Trial by Flame

Chapter 41

It was only after their conversation that the time really set in, and Trelisti found himself returning to lists in his head while he wandered the main street of Vanadh. There was tonight, tomorrow, and only a sliver of the morning after before they started for the desert; in that time, what was left to resolve?

He mulled over it for longer than he liked to admit, and the truth was that it was too interconnected to answer. Ienitt's guard might've taken over the Sunila investigation, but Sunila was only one string in a web of enemies. Trafficking nobles, poaching Sabja, and threatening the government tied into the rest. The only way to take the whole thing down would be to squish the spider at the head. Even that didn't stop a new one from taking its place.

It was a little overwhelming to think about, admittedly, and he didn't feel satisfied taking today as slow as he was. The truth was that he needed to fix one issue above all the others, one aside from the industry, and talking to Rowan reiterated its urgency.

But that didn't mean he was enthusiastic about it.

Tellik hardly strayed from his bed the entire day, staying willfully hidden in his prison of curtains and sheets. As far as Trelisti knew, he hadn't spoken since they arrived. He wasn't ready for a talk; neither of them were. But time wasn't going to stop for them.

Trelisti purposely unmuted his steps, maybe as a courtesy, or more likely because he didn't know how else to start the conversation. Tellik wasn't like the others; Quinn could take his typical snarky comment and return one as sharp, even when scenarios were bordering the worst. Strangers were easy, because their feelings meant little and there was rarely something at stake. But Tellik?

Tellik could wobble between witty and delicate, the type to deal insults like cards when all was well but shut down in the face of conflict. A normal person, he supposed, not as desensitized as he and Quinn. A normal person in a normal situation was the same as a stranger, someone whose emotions he could ignore. But if either was really true here, Trelisti wouldn't be trying to appease him, aware that Tellik was his key to getting through the desert.

"Are you..." Trelisti started after a disappointing silence. All of that deliberation, that conscious effort to be heard, just for Tellik to ignore him coming in. "Have you gone to the healers, yet?"

For a moment, there was no motion, no break in the silence. Then, Tellik sent up a gesture enveloped in a shimmery spiral.

Screw you, read his upturned finger. The light, I can heal myself.

A tinge of irritation pinched Trelisti's cheek, but he forced himself to let it go. No use getting defensive, nor starting an argument with nothing to gain. The latter could be especially easy to forget.

"You're right. That was dumb of me," Trelisti murmured, rubbing the side of his neck. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened to your friends. We couldn't—"

"My friends had names," Tellik shot up from his bedroll, half-shouting. There was a swelling venom in his voice. "Nali. Kuzo. Sireta. Di'wan. Binh. Remember those. Remember them."

"I didn't..." Trelisti started, then shook his head. "I know it's upsetting. And hard to accept. Believe me, if there was something we could've done to save them—"

"We could have! You could have!" It was a full shout now. "You have immunity, Trelisti. If anybody had any chance of getting them out in time, it was you."

"You don't understand. They were already—"

"Already doomed? Is that what you're telling yourself?" He was growing more accusatory by the second, fist clenched so tight it looked unnatural. "Or were you just thinking of what was easier for yourself?"

"What—" The statement caught him, tearing his attention away. "What are you trying to suggest?"

"I know how you are. The way that you think," Tellik spat. It wasn't a shout anymore, but it was certainly angry. "People are assets to you. You don't care what happens to them as long as it benefits you, and you certainly aren't going to take risks purely for their sake. You might hide under this guise of morality—"

"I've never pretended—"

"Please. You act like you're fighting the industry for the good of the people, trying to stop Hjerti because it's the 'right thing' to do. But we both know that's not the truth. You've got your own motives behind every little thing, every action that you take, and you only care about others when it aligns with your goals. I bet—no, I know—that's why you're here now. You couldn't give less of a shit about my friends. You're here because you need something."

"I'm here because the world is at stake, Tellik," Trelisti shot back. He was throwing so much at him at once, so many small arguments that he didn't have the time nor patience to pick apart. "You should care as much as I do. Neither of us can complete either of our goals—neither of us can live if we're under Hjerti's thumb. You saw what happened to Embrias."

"Then why here?" asked Tellik, gripping the fabric of his pants. "You said it yourself—you think the prophecy is bullshit. If that's the case, then why did you choose what might be the last sliver of your life in Te Fehr?"

Trelisti stilled, stunned, though he didn't know why he was phased. If the words were meant to scare him, they didn't; they just weren't something he thought he'd have to answer. Weren't something he'd given thought to explaining to others.

"If there's a chance of it being the right direction, it's a better starting place than nowhere at all," Trelisti said. He didn't believe the words as he spoke them, but it was the most logical answer he could give, at least without scratching a place he didn't want to touch. "My reason is that I want to destroy the industry, and I can only do that here."

"If you can't fool yourself, don't even try to fool me. And don't give me the same half-assed answer you've been using this whole time," Tellik scoffed in response. His gaze darkened as he pressed further. "Give me a reason why, Trelisti, a real reason. You're from a place the industry has little reach. You could have lived your entire life out of touch with them. What happens to the people here doesn't affect you, and I am so, so aware of how little you care for them. So why do you want to hurt the industry so badly?"

Trelisti felt the embers inside crackle, but instead of letting out heat, a wave of cold set over him. The sparks were silenced by his frozen expression.

"I don't need to explain myself to you." Not the ash, the blood, or the memories. Not that he'd rather fight than flee, or that revenge was the only option he knew. "But you should know that you're wrong."

Tellik's eyes were locked into his own, straining into a squint. A crack, a part of him Trelisti's gaze could pierce.

"I'm not heartless," he said. "There are things in this world that I care about."

With that, he turned away, forgetting any hope of messages unspoken.