Chapter Twelve: Deprivation

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You drift. Consciousness is misty and fleeting. You don't know where you are, you only know pain. Your head throbs like an infected tooth. It hurts to breathe.

You don't mean to open your eyes, yet three figures come into sort-of focus. The seated man wears black, the indistinct shape of his face turned to you.

"Hey," it's Five's voice, gentle.

One of the other figures, huge and hulking, puts a misty hand on Five's shoulder.

"Is she-?"

The scene changes.


"We've been friends since middle school! You've known her for all of ten minutes!"

Ellie. Her hand on yours.

"And is that going to save her if she takes a turn?"

"What?"

"Five..." says an admonitory voice. One of his siblings.

"If she takes a turn, can you turn back time and save her?"


You can hear rain on a window.

Your hand is held by someone below the level of the bed. His thumb caresses your pinkie finger. It's silent but for his quiet baritone.

"I can't stop wanting you...it's useless to say..."

You sink again.


Daytime or night time. Maybe neither. Maybe dreaming

"Well, are they keeping it under control?"

"Fuckers won't let me get at her charts" he exhales angrily, "and all the time she's in pain ."

"Hey, Five- it's ok"

"I hate this Viktor, I can't-"


Day time? Bustle: Beeps, footsteps, ringing phones. Hot pain in your abdomen.

"-Modafinil is ideal. Maybe Adderall. Hell, find me cocaine- any stimulant."

"Buddy, I'm not sure..."

"Coffee is fine for now but it won't be enough."

You sense Five perching beside you. You open your eyes a slit. Klaus sits in a chair with his feet up on your bed, rolling a cigarette.

"Hey you," he smiles.

As Five calls your name, disbelieving, the world heaves away again.


Now quiet again. His warmth against you. He whisper-sings more Ray Charles, his mouth against your ear. It's low tempo, his voice frayed.

"I said I made up my mind, to live in memories..."


"-brought you some more clothes."

"Thanks."

"You need a shower, you smell like shit."

"...No."

His voice drags like a sack of rocks along a stone floor.

"You need to stop this and sleep ."

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