Deliverance | Draco Malfoy

Eighteen

I struggled from his hold on me and moved from sitting astride him within a single heartbeat. The space between us wasn't enough for my heart as I crawled backwards on my hands to escape. Maybe I'll get lucky and fall right off the ledge if I crawl far enough. However, my brain said I needed more from him. I needed to get away from him. Before I get hurt.

"Rook-" My name was no longer a hum of pleasure, but a question with knitted brows. He could see my panic, and I think it scared him a little bit too. He knew I was about to escape.

I pushed myself onto my feet as quickly as I could because I needed to get out of this trap. Every red alarm in my brain was going off at once, and I could feel the darkness creeping in to take over my thoughts at any second. I whirled my body around towards the exit and made a break for it, trying to drag in breaths that weren't choppy and choking for fresh air.

What have I done?

"Rookwood, do not run away." He called after me as he pushed himself to his feet just as quickly. "You promised me you wouldn't run anymore." That only made me run off this roof even quicker. My adrenaline pumped from the sound of his heavy footsteps sprinting after me.

Stupid, selfish girl. That's what I am, and all I'll ever be. A stupid, selfish girl that fucks up everything.

I have a boy that I am already with. I belong to someone, and my purity was only his. This person isn't me. I'm not this awful and disgusting human that everyone paints me out to be.

I'm not that whore that everyone calls me.

I'm not a bad person.

I didn't ruin anything for anyone.

I'm a good girl. I- I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm not.

"Rookwood, just wait!" He chased after me through the empty corridor as I tried to sprint away to the dungeons. Most students had run off to Hogsmeade for the weekend— rather unfortunate for me because at least a crowd would mean he'd be avoiding this scene.

I could find comfort in my room. It was safe in my room. Tundra was there. She'd make it better. More importantly, I could breathe in my room. Right now, I was choking. There wasn't enough air in the world to fill my aching lungs.

Draco had finally gotten what he wanted from me, but he still didn't feel at peace because of it. He had gotten to finally feel my lips for himself. He got to see what they tasted of, and if they compared to his imagination when he thought of them so much recently. They didn't compare— they were so much better.

Just when he had gotten an inside look at my feelings, I shoved him back out, much to his disapproval. He needed this with me, for his own sanity. He couldn't let me get away from him again, because now that he was in— he needed this like he needed air to breathe. He needed me— to keep me safe, protected, cherished. A bond snapped into place inside of him.

I was the angel that the devil had been searching for. I was the beauty of Heaven that he wished to bring into Hell.

But I was so scared to go any deeper into my vulnerability and give this a chance. I was scared of Graham, and scared of these new feelings that I didn't know how to sort through. I was scared of the confusion I felt. I was scared everything.

Panic. I'm panicking. Did my top always feel this tight around my neck? Why do my legs feel like they'll give out from under me at any second? I feel like I'm dead.

Am I dead? What if I did jump off the roof? Is this actually Hell? It sure seemed like it. That was the only way I could explain this never ending pain and suffering that was bubbling under the surface.