crimson veil of the moon

unveil: no devotion

"Xie Lian what the fuck are you doing?" 

"MOVE" 

i entered our bedroom and with the power i was given by that fucker Yu Yang i will destroy the crimson rain sought flower with crimson fire. 

Immense crimson fires began unleashing from the palms of my hands. 

"I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS ME OF YOU!!!" 

"YOU DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME NOW!!" 

I proceeded to enter the chamber where Hua Cheng had painted and kept thousands of my paintings and sculptures. I will destroy all of them. 

"HE XUAN CONTROL HIM HE IS GOING TO DESTROY EVERYTHING AT THIS POINT!!!!" Shi QingXuan called out. 

"Let Him QingXuan, nothing will stop him." 

"YOU MADE THESE STATUES FOR ME DIDN'T YOU?? WHAT DID YOU CALL YOURSELF 'MY MOST DEVOTED BELIEVER', LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING HUA CHENG, YOU ARE NOT!!" 

"YOU CALL THIS DEVOTION?!! YOU KILLED YOURSELF AND YOU CALL YOURSELF MY DEVOTEE? WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT??!! TEN THOUSAND STATUES?? HAVE WE EVEN SPENT TEN THOUSAND DAYS TOGETHER TELL ME HUA CHENG??!! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME, ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW!!" 

"WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE IN YOUR PLACE??!! YOU TOLD ME YOU NEVER WANTED TO SEE ME SUFFER ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?? ARE YOU HAPPY HUA CHENG??!! ANSWER ME!!!" 

And with that i destroyed everything he crafted in my devotion, i destroyed everything but i couldn't destroy my love for him. 

I screamed and screamed in agony the entire night, i told him that I missed him, i told him that I hated him but i just needed him with me, right in front of me. 

"Please let me see you once, please." 

"i beg you please don't leave me."

"please San Lang don't leave me." I kept on sobbing for someone who couldn't hear me anymore. I couldn't see him anymore that mere thought destroyed me. 

And from then there was no escape, inescapable cycle of torment, of hell. I thought i knew hell but the position i was in was worse than any definition to hell. This hell was a hell i created for myself and it was inescapable, no one can bring me back. 

Soon i returned back to the heavenly capital, i destroyed paradise manor, i destroyed the ghost city, i destroyed anything that reminded me of him, i drowned myself in the works of the heavens, i didn't smile, i didn't cry, i didn't pretend to be okay. If i let myself breathe for even a second he would appear in front of me. 

Every single night i would die, every single night, i would be tormented by his memory, he would appear in front of me and i could do nothing. I couldn't touch him, i couldn't hug him, how could I when he wasn't even there.

I forgot if anything was even real, everything is an illusion, everything without him is fading. I thought if i could pretend to hate him one day eventually i would begin to hate him and eventually forget him but fate had something else planned. 

"Your Highness." 

"He Xuan why are you here?" 

"Xie Lian these past months i didn't even try to reach out to you because i don't know how you feel and i know you are trying to hate Hua and it is right to do so, he deserved it. The day you both were about to get married, I visited Hua i had never seen him write anything i mean his handwriting was more horrifying than him, but there was a letter he was writing for you, but i don't think he completed writing it. Before you destroyed everything i retrieved it from your bedroom. Xie Lian i have no right to ask you to read this letter, destroy it if you'd like but i had to give it to you. Hua would want that." 

"i've kept it here, you can destroy it or read it it's your own choice, take care of yourself, i will take my leave." 

I didn't open that letter for another 2 months but i didn't destroy it either, i knew if i read that letter I wouldn't want to spend another second being alive. 

One of the days Guoshi visited me, he knew i would be tormenting myself. 

"Your Highness." 

"Guoshi, in the end i killed him, Yu Yang was right i would kill him." 

"Guoshi i beg you, please is there any way i can escape this pain, anything, i would do anything, just please let me escape this pain, it's unbearable." 

"Lian i know, that is why I'm here ,i know to others it would be ridiculous that i would lead my own student to his death but i also know that the reason you were alive all along was because Crimson Rain was by your side, his love protected you all along and without him you are empty. And i would want nothing more but for you to be happy and at peace." 

"Is there any way i can die?"

"you can't die Lian, but there is a way you can destroy your soul. If there is no soul, there won't be any vessel. But listen to me carefully if you choose to destroy your soul understand it would fully be destroyed meaning you can never be reborn again, no fragment of your soul would be left. Lian it could still be possible that Crimson Rain's soul is still present somewhere and he could be reborn again but if you chose this path you can never be with him again. It would be the end forever." 

"sounds good doesn't it? Is there even a chance that he would even return? I can't wait any longer without holding onto any hope, i know i sound selfish but isn't he quite selfish himself." 

"So Lian what's your choice?" 

"i will destroy my soul , how do we do that?" 

"Pit of Perdition, a state of final spiritual ruin; loss of soul or in other words damnation. a state which causes all their spiritual energy to be drained away from them to maintain ubiquity in the universe , to avoid damnation.Which means all the energy from your soul would be devoted to the roots of the heavens, you would be one with the heavens." 

"sounds like a heavenly death, quite fitting."  

"how about we do this the next month?"

"the next month?" 

"i don't intend on prolonging my life any longer, like you said Hua Cheng might have a chance of being reborn again so i might leave something behind. Maybe some paintings or letter perhaps?" 

"as you wish Your Highness." 

I spent the next month learning how to paint, i would paint him every single day even if it was crooked i wanted to see him, in any way possible. I wouldn't read his letter until i could see him, i could see him from my eyes. 

And that day came, the day i would bid farewell to the heavens, the day i finally saw San Lang again. 

"Lian, it is time." 

"Your Highness what's happening here?" 

"Ling Wen." 

"Your Highness i hope you aware of the consequences of the choice you are about to make?" 

"I am well aware, Ling Wen do me a favor would you?" 

"Of course Your Highness." 

"After i leave today, conduct the investiture for the next Heavenly Emperor and you are well aware of who should be the one, and if someday he comes looking for me-" 

"you mean Crimson Rain Sought Flower." 

"give him this." 

"a letter?"