Written In The Stars: Book Two

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO: SOBERING CONVERSATIONS

He'd met every single person at that party individually. He only recalled a few names and their connection to him at the end. Vanessa, Jesse and Jeremy's mother, and Kevin's wife, were likely the one who stood out the most to him. A warm smile, a hopeful look, tears of happiness.

It struck him as odd in the beginning, but Elijah had been the missing piece for the woman's husband and father-in-law. They'd never have their Sandra back, but knowing her son was out there all that time, and being unable to find him, must have taken a toll on the two men. Now they could rest more easily, and that weight could lift from the family.

Although the kid didn't look like he was older than twenty, Elijah knew the kid approaching him was Jesse, Jeremy's brother. If the appearance wasn't a dead giveaway, the agitated stance and hung head synched it.

Elijah remembered the first big barbecue he went to at Jay's. Everything was overwhelming. From people coming up and asking how he was doing, to all the fucking noise, to randomly hearing people ask Jay where all the booze was. He recalled wanting to get the hell out of there pretty well as soon as he arrived. Too many damn people, all the expectations weighing down on him, and it'd all been too much too soon. He'd already been two months out of rehab at that point, but it'd been Elijah's first big gathering since starting his life over.

It'd all just felt so foreign and awkward to him back then. During that time, he was still having dreams of getting drunk, causing a craving every time he woke from one of those. Because of that, Elijah felt like a fraud. He was sober, but still getting drunk regularly in his dreams.

At least during this party, Jesse could move through the crowds with little attention. Jeremy and Julie were on the back porch with Madeline, drinking lemonade as Madeline's laugh echoed through the yard. Kevin and Hank stood with Mitch, looking to have an in-depth conversation about something. Kevin's wife, Vanessa, along with two other women, stood with Mary. With most of this family firmly attached to the one Elijah brought with him, it hopefully lightened the weight for Jesse, who now made his way toward Elijah, dropping into the chair next to him.

"Still get cravings?" Was how the kid started the conversation.

No 'nice to meet you'. No 'I'm your cousin'.

Elijah went with it. "They mostly went away after the first year. But I won't lie. These last two weeks I've had a few cravings. After meeting your dad and finding out about my own, I don't think I've wanted a drink so badly in my fucking life, but I managed. I keep a punching bag in the basement, so I've been using that when my anger feels like it might get the best of me. And drawing helps clear my head. Once I coped with whatever emotion I was feeling, it got a hell of a lot easier.

"I remember the first party I went to after getting sober. Even though I knew most of the people there, and they mostly supported me, I still felt like an outsider. Went away over time, thankfully. I have great friends who stood by me through it all, and a family who refused to give up on me. Before I got sober, I just wanted everyone to fuck off and let me fall down the rabbit hole in peace. As soon as I got sober, I felt suffocated by them. The closer I was being watched, and the well meaning looks and words of encouragement, I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before I fucked my life up.

"Then I realized that's exactly how they'd treated me before. It wasn't them that'd changed. It was me. I was different, but Mary had always worried about me, and Mitch never could walk away. Jay always pushed me to be better, be happier, and learn how to open up, and Madeline..." Elijah wasn't certain how to finish that sentence. She was there when his life spiraled down to oblivion and wasn't there when he crawled his way out. Not in the traditional sense, anyhow.

Elijah let out a cough, then removed his baseball cap to run his fingers through his unkept hair. "Madeline always watched over me, even from a distance. I think I started drinking, so I'd stop feeling her, since I knew no amount of alcohol would help me forget her. But she was always there."

"So, she's why you started drinking?" Jesse asked, nodding his head toward Madeline, sitting in her wheelchair to their side.

There were so many ways to answer the question, as there was no simple 'yes' or 'no'. But Elijah had just met the kid about three minutes ago. Yes, he was family, but he was also a stranger. None of them knew about his past life with Harrison Fox, or the struggles which came afterwards. They knew of the alcoholism, and Kevin was aware of his stint in prison, but that was the extent of their knowledge. "It was the straw that broke the camel's back, but I rather it was her than her being around when it happened."

Elijah let out another cough, then leaned back in his chair. "I had a lot of mental health problems because of my childhood, and I wasn't dealing with it. There was a court ordered therapist I had once, and she helped me with ways to manage, but there wasn't enough time for me to really face it. I could feel it all catching up to me, so I pushed Madeline away so she didn't suffer the blowback."

"Must have been one hell of a push to land her in a wheelchair," Jesse quipped before quickly changing his tune when he noticed Elijah's glare. "Bad taste, I get it. Sorry."

Deciding not to give the kid too much grief, Elijah gave him a nod as Hank approached. Without saying a word, Jesse lifted himself out of the chair and stepped away between the makeshift crowds.

Hank took Jesse's former chair, taking his time lowering himself into the seat, his arms wobbling as they held his weight. "We're not too much for you, are we? Jesse sometimes struggles with boundaries, and tends to skip over pleasantries."

Elijah helped his grandfather down the rest of the way, then went back to his chair. "The kid's fine. He's curious about me, but he's holding back. Either for my sake, or his, since I suppose he can't trust me to stick around. He just seems so damn young. It's hard to believe he messed up his life so bad once it was just becoming his own."

"That can be a terrifying time in a person's life," Hank pointed out. "You're on your own for the first time, in charge of handling every aspect of your own life. That can be too much for a lot of people. Happened to your mom too during her first year. I wasn't certain if the college would even let her return. Then she became pregnant, and that's what she focused on.

"Your mother was a wild child, well before she had her first taste of real freedom. Smart as a whip, but damn restless. Would act up all the time, but I think that's because she was tired of being treated like she was perfect. Sandra was a beautiful young woman, popular, had the grades that could have taken her somewhere big. She had spirit and talents. But that image took its toll, and she eventually rebelled against it.

"Same thing happened with Jesse. He was so darn desperate to shed that perfect image of himself. The difference between the two was your mom fell pregnant and found the drive to get her life back on track. Jesse... he had to ride it out.

"He's a damn good kid. Yes, he hit a rough patch, but by the end of his life, that's just going to be one chapter of a much bigger and brighter book. Same with you." Hank placed his shaky hand on Elijah's arm. "I'm happy you're here, Elijah, and grateful you've given all of us this chance to get to know you. My wife would have loved to have been here, but I think she's watching from above, with a big smile on her face."

His words brought a smile to his own face, and Elijah dropped his head to hide it. "I hope my mom's watching with her. Something tells me she's always hoped for this, too."