A Rant

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I am so fucking mad at myself 

All the time I’m mad at myself 

Because I’m always the fucking problem 

I try to help but I just fuck shit up 

I can't even figure out my own damn mental health 

And people are expecting so much from me 

I just 

I NEED A BREAK 

I need to stop being mad at myself because I can't help other people

I know I need to help myself but I can’t do that when I fucking hate myself 

But I can’t do that it's selfish and other people need my help  

NO NO NO 

THAT'S BULLSHIT and we all know it

This is why I’m so mad at myself I always think that 

It’s not selfish to help yourself sometimes 

But I refuse to think that way 

It's not selfish and I know it but I refuse to accept that fact

My friends don't put me first so why do I put them first 

Why are they on a pedestal while I’m 6 feet under 

I think I matter to them at least I hope I do 

But I don't know if I do

Do I matter? 

Even a little bit 

Do I even matter to anyone…..

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