Good Is Messy

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Steve was a good person. He was.
And he's done everything for Nancy.

Given everything he can for her

Done everything he possibly could.

But just this once, he wanted to be a little selfish, do something he really really wanted.

Because right now, Steve Harrington was supposed to be carting his kids around town, making sure they didn't cause too many problems at the arcade, or sneaking into R-rated movies, stealing ice-cream, and getting into whatever other kind of shit fuckery. Instead though, he was pulling up to 'Munson Spares and Repairs Auto Shop', just hoping Eddie was in there working alone today.

It'd been a hard morning, and Steve desperately needed a distraction.

Yeah, Steve forgave Nancy for what she had done. The lying, the cheating, the bullshit, but Steve felt like if she was allowed a one off.. surely he could get a free pass too. Right?

Steve wasn't a bad person. He was good.

Eddie always let him know he was good.

Steve liked being good.

Steve wanted to be good. He wanted to feel good, because right now he felt like shit. Like bullshit.

It wasn't the first time Nancy had done something, said something to make him feel dumb, or worthless, or small. It hurt, because despite everything, Steve still loved her. Steve loved that girl with all his heart and he just wanted to be good enough for her, to be everything she needs because she's so good for him. She cooks and cleans and she's what everyone says he needs, it's a picket fence relationship and it's how things should be.
It's what Steve is supposed to be.

But sometimes it's not what he wants to be.

And he thinks, sometimes, it's not what she wants to be either, but it's what everyone expects of them. He knows it's hard for Nancy, not really being allowed to be the independent women she wants to be, but it still hurts when she takes it out on him, when her words aren't nice. When she makes him feel like he's never going to be good enough.

So here he is.
"Eddie!?"

His voices echos around the shop and the scent of grease is thick in his lungs. He flashes back to last month, bent over one of the cars real late one night, remembers Eddie whispering about how good he was, how beautiful he was, how amazing and sweet. All things he's never heard Nancy tell him.

And he's so hungry for it, so guilty about wanting more. He feels so pathetic and small and shitty.

He feels like Bullshit.

And maybe Nancy was right. He loved we, he did, but maybe this entire thing is just bullshit.

He wants to cry, when he feels strong warm arms wrap around him from behind.
"Hey Sunshine, cloudy day is it?"

Steve sighs and relaxes back into Eddie's warmth. Because to Eddie, he's not bullshit, he's the sun and Eddie always knows how to make him shine.
"It's raining cats and dogs".

"Mmm, and you need me to make all better for you baby?" Eddie asks, nuzzling his face into his side, soft breath tickling his neck, arms tightening around his waist.

"Yeah.." Steve replies, but it comes out more like a croak and Eddie frowns. Steve's never actually cried around Eddie before and he's instantly concerned.

Eddie turns Steve around gently and moves to cradle his face in his hands, wiping his tears away with calloused thumbs.
"What's wrong Princess? You can tell me sweetheart".

And the pet names just make him cry more, because how could anyone be so nice to him? How could Steve even be worthy of such care and genuine worry from this man he's been sleeping around with. This man his cheating on Nancy with.

"Hey, Steve.. look at me. What's wrong?" And coos gently, carefully tucking some of Steve's deflated hair behind his ear.

"I-i don't deserve this.. Eddie what am I doing here? Why do I keep coming back? Why are so perfect and nice when I'm just... I'm- I'm bullshit", he moves to sob into Eddie's shoulder, and they just sway for few minutes. Eddie running his hand soothingly over his back, playing with his hair and holding him close until he calms down.

"Of course you deserve this Steve, you deserve everything. You're always giving so much, you deserve to take", Eddie whispers, rubbing a small circle over a knot in Steve's back, trying to him to relax some more. "I know you love her Stevie... I know you need her and the normalcy, I know that okay. But I also know you're not what she makes you feel like, you're not bullshit. You're good, you're so good".

"Wanna be good", Steve's breathes out, arching into Eddie's touch as he massages his back.

"You are. So, so good. You're everything good".
Eddie massages the knot out skillfully and Steve groans, falling into Eddie more and gasping when his fingers move to the next tense spot under the skin.

Steve's moans and sighs as Eddie continues to massage all his tense muscles, whispering sweet and reassuring things into his ear. Kissing his face and jaw and moving down to work his mouth over  the younger man's neck.

"Please Eddie, need to be good for you", Steve's breathes out airly. He's floaty and happy and Eddie's words are so nice. So nice. Eddie's so nice.

Maybe he's too nice.

Because Eddie stops Steve when he tries grind his hips against him.
"I'm not going to fuck you tonight".

And Steve's instantly dropping. It's a change in routine, because Eddie's supposed fuck him. Eddie's supposed to bend him over and make him forget about what he's supposed to be. Eddie's supposed to call him good boy and make Steve feel useful. Eddie's supposed to be all over him, telling Steve how much he needs him.

Steve's mind immediately jumps to the worst conclusions. 'Am I not good enough to fuck anymore. Am I not needed?'

And Eddie seems to sense the drop right away, because his grip quickly moves to steady him, cradle him like he's the world in his hands.
"I'm not going to right now because you're worth more than that. Steve, I want you to know you're worth more than sex".

Steve's tearing up again. There's something wrong with his heart and his fingertips feel numb when Eddie makes him look into his almost black, brown eyes. He doesn't know what's wrong with him, why can't he just be fucking Normal?

"Stevie..." And Eddie looks like he might cry too if Steve let's spill just one more tear. "How about we go back to mine, watch a movie? You're choice.. something you like".

Steve's hear feels like it breaks and leaves splinters of glass in his chest. Something he likes.. something he likes. What does Steve even like? The real Steve, the one that hides inside because he's not right. What does Steve like, the Steve who was 9 when he forced to be someone else, someone he wasn't. What did that Steve like, the real Steve.

"C-can we.." Eddie nods, encourage Steve to tell him what he wants, can see the hesitation in his sunshine's eyes. "Can we watch Peter Pan?.."

And Eddie smiles, pulls Steve into a firm and warm hug, "of course we can".

That's how Steve ends up on cuddling with Eddie on a fold out couch in his trailor, watching a kids movie and slowly drifting off into a peaceful and stress-free sleep. Because Eddie's just there, holding him as he lays half on his chest and half between his legs. Eddie's running his hands through his flat hair, not caring about what movie Steve chose, not judging him or making him feel dumb.

Steve feels good.

He feels more good than he ever has.

Steve knows it's a mess, his hearts all over the place, but Eddie's there reminding him he's good, being so nice, showing him he actually cares.
Eddie will help him through it, Eddie will be there.