Living in Shadows [Harry Potter Fanfiction]

Chapter Five | Hogwarts, June 1975

Severus closed his eyes and held back the tears-what mattered now that Lily hated him? May as well just let it happen, it’s not like he ever had much of a choice-life just hated him.

 

            Fields whipped past the window, although Severus barely noticed; he was replaying the last few days in his head over and over again. Lily’s heartbroken face was forever tattooed into his mind, and he knew it would haunt him forever, until his dieing day.

How far away was it? His last day, the last thought-what would it be? Would be of Hazel, her laugh and how she was the first person who ever made him feel warm and good and normal. Or would he think of Lily, of her green eyes and perfect smile-the way her laugh made him shiver.

Where would he be ten years from now? Twenty, thirty-one hundred? Would he have married, had a few kids maybe? Who would he hold every night and kiss every morning, drink coffee with on Saturday mornings and create a life with?

Something in Severus wondered if Lily would ever love him back, or if he would meet some other girl in his life that made him feel this way. An image of a little girl with his eyes and Lily’s hair made him want to cry-or maybe a son, with his hair and Lily’s eyes. Or both.

A life unfolded behind Severus’ closed eyes, with a nice house in the country with shutters and a fire place. Lily would make pancakes on Saturday mornings, and he would work in his potions room until she came in and tugged him away; years would pass, the wonderful day would come when she crept in and told him he would be a father.

A few more years and they would have those two little kids he’d dreamt up, a boy and a girl-they would take them to the platform and send them off to Hogwarts, and he wouldn’t care what house they would be put in-except maybe Hufflepuff. Lily wouldn’t care though.

And then years and years later, after the kids had graduated and started their own families, Severus and Lily would have their kids and grandkids and even great grandkids over, for Sundays and Christmas dinner maybe. Life would fly by, discoveries would be made and seasons would pass; they would garden all summer and go on picnics and go on long walks in the evening.

And then one day, maybe early in the morning, they would hold each other close and slip away from the real world. Their kids would know they’d died happy and in each others arms and a life full of love and laughter would end.

Severus wanted it so badly his heart ached, but his day dream was shattered by the arrogant voice of James Bloody Potter and the rest of his stupid little friends.

“What’s up, Snivellus?” sneered Sirius Black, snapping his fingers in front of Severus’ face. “Dreaming, are you?”

“Go away, Black.” He mumbled, turning his head away “Go screw a girl in a broom closet or something, you know you’d rather be doing that.”

“Very funny Snivellus,” Black smirked “At least I get some.”

“Do I look like I care?”

“Oh, but we know you do.” Potter said “Because we all know your completely smitten with the lovely Lily Evans-messed that one up, didn’t you?”

“Shut. Up.” Said Severus through gritted teeth.

“I don’t think I will,” said Potter, leaning right down in Severus’ face. “Because we both know Lily hates your guts, and that one day she’ll be Mrs. Lily Potter-don’t we, Snivellus?”

“How dare you!” Severus hissed, whipped out his wand and pointed in right between Potter’s eyes “How dare you talk about her like that!”

“Is it worse that how you talked about her?” Potter asked, smirking “Called her a very dirty and mean little name, didn’t you Snivellus? I don’t think she’ll ever even look at you after that.”

“I-”

“You know she hates that word,” he continued, and Severus realized he had Potter backed up against the window, wand still pointed directly between his eyes, just above the bridge of his glasses. “She hates every person that uses that word-and you hate Muggles, although we all know your father is one.” Potter smirked “So what does that make you, eh Snivellus? Just another little boy in love with the pretty girl who doesn’t give a Hippogriffs ass about you.”

“I’ll kill you.” Severus hissed, eyes murderous “I swear to Merlin Potter, one day I will kill you-you don’t deserve her.”

Potter shrugged and slipped away “If I don’t what makes you think you do?” Severus watched them go, heard Potter yell Lily’s name-what if it had been true, what Potter had said?

Thinking of the little boy and girl Severus had dreamed up only minuets ago, he slumped back onto his seat and tried to hold back the tears for when he would be home. At least then his father would beat him for being weak, and the pain in his heart would be numbed for a little while by the pain in his body.

But Severus knew it would never go away, and that on some levels, James Potter had been right.

A/N: I hated having to write about some of my favourite characters this way, but its how it was...I always hated the fact that James and Sirius had been bully's. I adore them anyway, though-shows that people can change.

Question: Are you happy about two whole chapters at once?! I am :) Also, would you like me to make a video about 'Living in Shadows' too?

Rose<3