HAZARDOUS ✷ Lookism.

𝐈. death of a star

kil deok-ja wasn't unfamiliar with losing. she'd lost plenty, whether it was fights or other things, she wasn't immune to it.

"are you a bad person?" vasco looked at her with searching eyes, as though trying to figure her out.

his hand felt like sandpaper scratching on jagged rocks — the true mark of a fighter. deok-ja refused to give in, holding her grip as though her life depended on it.

his eyes were onyx, deep as the ocean floor. they shone with that youthfulness deok-ja's eyes lacked.

"yeah, i am." she responded truthfully, feeling the weight of their combined strength in her elbow and wrist. the desk they were laid out before felt as though it would snap in half.

"i'm a fucking horrible person." deok-ja grinned, slamming his hand onto the desk.

the room went silent.

with a swiftness so quick nobody even noticed, she slipped out of her chair and made to walk out of the classroom.

"— wait!" a voice called, so she turned.

"w-welcome to burn knuckles!" the boy with big ears said loudly, shoving a mass of grey into deok-ja's hands.

with a slightly less daunting look, deok-ja observed the awkward boy before her.

"thanks." was her simple response, turning on her heel and disappearing into the bathrooms to change (and to text her brother about what a bullshit first day this had been).

‎

‎
TRANSFERRING SCHOOLS IN THE SECOND SEMESTER, apparently, was a big thing. deok-su disliked the stares and the whispers that appeared in his wake.

kil deok-su had never really been considered attractive by many people. his eyes were too mean — not expressive enough, like his sister's — and his words too harsh. his face wasn't half bad, neither was his height, but he was so terrifyingly silent hardly anybody cared or knew him.

it was a relief that most of the attention of his new peers was taken by the other transfer student walking a few feet behind him. now he was what people considered attractive.

with a well proportioned body, angelic facial features, and soft hair, there was nobody who didn't stop to awe at his beauty.

but that's where the line was drawn for deok-su. he didn't dare approach him, much less anybody else. his bubble was for him and deok-ja only, and it had been that way since what felt like forever ago.

attention had always irked him. that was one thing that set the two apart. deok-su despised being the center of attention, an object for people to gawk at. while deok-ja sneered down at people — and more often than not spat rude words — at those watching her, deep down she didn't hate being viewed as strong.

for deok-su it was different. he didn't want to be strong, he didn't want the burden nor the title. his fists haunted him in a way that was so addicting he couldn't ever stop if he started. he was weak at heart — unlike his sister who'd toughened herself up after years of incessant sweat and work — and there was always something holding him back.

it was the fear, not of losing, but of annihilating everything in his path. attention was the root of this problem, and he'd be better off without it.

that was why he couldn't ever get close to anyone but who he had already. it was a vow, a rule he must follow if he wished to stay as deok-su.

those days were over. while deok-ja might still be stuck in the past, he had long moved on. the only issue was, the past held onto him tighter than he liked.