Blue Flame/ Txt

black sheep

"Regret what beomie?" Soobin's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Your family..."

Soobin's gaze soften, looking at the younger intently.

"Not once." He placed his hand on Beomgyu's shoulder. "Beomie... what I had back then, that was not family. You guys are my family... and I would give anything, I would give up everything, to keep you safe"

Beomgyu knew Soobin meant every word he said, which made it all twice as scary. Beomgyu knew Soobin would die before letting them get hurt.

he would kill himself in a heartbeat if it meant saving everyone. Everything about Soobin shows that he will always, always, put himself last. 6 years of waiting for everyone to eat before he could take a bite, giving up his own mattress, sleeping on raw floor when Beomgyu's back turned too sore to sleep on just one, countless sleepless nights driving them to safety when they were being chased. His scars telling on the many times he had put his body on the line, to make sure they leave without a scratch.

"Hey.. what's the matter..?" Soobin was washed with concern when he saw Beomgyu's somber expression directed at him.

"Hyung, we care about you too"

Soobin looked at him, flustered by the sudden comment.

"I-I know that Beomie.."

"Do you?"

"Of course I do" Soobin held his hand is his, intertwining their fingers together.

"Can you care about yourself too Hyung?" Beomgyu asked quietly, his sincere expression and caring manner making Soobin's heart feel heavy on his chest.

He mustered a smile, leaning forward and fixing Beomgyu's messy hair strands out of his face, "Let's go eat now, okay?"

.........

Yeonjun turned off the portable stove, straining the noddle water. He looked over at Kai and Taehyun, who were cuddling on the bed beside him. He felt a slight pinch in his heart, a feeling that won't pass until he talked to Taehyun, straightening things between them.

"Hey.. Taehyunnie" he nudged the younger's shoulder. "Can I have a word with you?"

Taehyun looked slightly annoyed, an emotion he tried to hide, but Yeonjun knew existed from the subtle expression on his face.

He whispered something to Kai, who was half asleep in his arms, slowly pulling away from him, putting a few hot packs beside him so that the lost of warmth won't be so noticeable.

He got up from the bed, following Yeonjun to the motel lobby.

"What?" Taehyun asked when they arrived, sitting on two very questionable chairs.

"Hyunnie..." Yeonjun looked down, not even sure how to explain himself, let alone how to apologize for letting him down.

After a few minutes of thinking, he decided there's no other choice than just being completely honest.

"I don't know what came over me back there... I don't even know what I was thinking at the time" he kept his head low, too ashamed to look at his brother in his eyes. "Seeing Soobin, so pale and still like that, not being able to do anything about that. It scared me to death Hyunnie..."

Taehyun sighed deeply, feeling somewhat bad seeing Yeonjun look so beaten up.

"I was scared too Hyung.." he admitted.

"When kai offered to help, I don't- I don't think anything else mattered to me" Yeonjun said, as painful as it was to admit it.

"You threw him under the bus Hyung.. "

"I know.." Yeonjun said, his eyes prickled, getting watery by the second.

"I respect you a lot Hyung.." Taehyun said "you and Soobin, I owe my life to you"

A tear rolled on Yeonjun's cheek, falling on the old carpet.

"When you yelled at Kai to keep going.." Taehyun shut his eyes closed "it felt like you were a different person, not my Junnie Hyung... but someone who is selfish enough to hurt an innocent boy to get what he wants."

Yeonjun felt the lump in his throat get bigger, he had to bite his lip to keep from letting out a suffocated sob.

"I'm sorry..." his voice was strained and shakey.

"Junnie Hyung..."

Yeonjun looked up at the nickname.
His eyes red and puffy and his face washed with guilt.

Taehyun stood up, giving his Hyung a tight hug.

"You're not a bad person Hyung, one mistake won't change the way I think about you."

"I'm sorry Hyunnie, I'm sorry..."

"I know you are, I can see it in your eyes. Don't cry..."

Yeonjun sniffled, clutching on Taehyun's shirt.

"I'm sorry too Hyung, I shouldn't have been so disrespectful.."

Yeonjun stayed silent, satisfied enough to just be holding Taehyun again.

"We're on paper thin ice with Kai right now, he might not show it but I can see how vary he is of us. Calculating his every move... it hurts to see him walking on eggshells"

Yeonjun nodded.

"It feels like we're back to square one and... I was just too frustrated about it to see that you were hurting too" Taehyun pulled away, wiping Yeonjun's tears away.

If someone had told him how tender hearted and vulnerable Yeonjun is when he first met him he wouldn't have believed it.

After a few years you get to notice, how bad Yeonjun overthinks, overflows with insecurities and and fears. Always undermining himself, constantly dragging himself through the mud.

"It's okay Junnie Hyung.. I'm not mad anymore. I just want Kai to feel safe that's all...."

"M-me too"