His Touch - A Johnnyboy Lovestory

-Friends?-

-am i putting in the classic "nah i ain't gay" ? oh yes i am 😼-

ponyboy curtis

I can't. I really can't be queer.

It's been on my mind for a while, but i caught myself thinking again.

How could I be? I mean sure I sometimes may admire a guy, but it's just cause he looks nice! that doesn't mean nothing. Sure i've imagined some things but it was accidental!

It might just be a phase or something! I do still like girls!

Maybe...no. I couldn't?

Could someone like both? A guy and a gal?

I can't keep pushing this down. it's killing me.

Fuck. I..I think I like guys as much as I like girls.

Every time I went back to no, it hurt me, I don't know why I couldn't accept it. why was it hard?

I knew why it was hard. People hate people like me. People who like the same gender. People who love. I never had a problem with gays, I didn't really pay no attention, people are people.

but me? why me? why did I have to go through this? Why couldn't I just know? Why can't I just be...normal.
—
After a long night of just thinking, the sun began to rise. Soda had gone out to who knows where with Steve, so Johnny were able to use our bed.

I look over to Johnny, still peacefully asleep. Wow, he sure looked pretty while he slept. Laying on his side, Tiny wisps of hair rested upon his face. His breath was slow and calming, so undisturbed, but as these thought crept in, he began to wake up.

"H-hey there pone" Johnny said groggily
"Mornin' Johnnycake. You sleep okay?" I quickly respond.
"Yea, honestly best sleep i've had in a while. You been up long?"
"i kinda just couldn't sleep honestly-"
Before I can continue Johnny pipes in, "You didn't sleep at all?? That ain't to healthy pony you should sleep for at least a bit!"

"trust me i'm fine johnnycake, the suns already coming up anyway, wanna watch it rise?"

Johnny agrees and we walk to the front steps of the old house. This had become a thing me and him had done every so often since Johnny got out of the hospital. It was so peaceful, just us. No steve, soda, Two-Bit, just us.

And like all those times before, it was in fact peaceful. Watching all the colors appear upon the clouds as the sun rose was magical. It's amazing how in such a beautiful sight can be gone in just a few minutes. We sat upon the steps, not saying anything, just lost in our own thoughts.
"hey pone...Can I talk to you about something?" Johnny pipes in randomly

"Of course! you can tell me anything"
"ahah yea. um. so this is hard for me to say so don't force it out of me but..." Johnny starts to freeze up, almost as if he's lost what he had to say. after a second he starts again.
"w-well I-um. I'm..uh...h...nevermind" He quickly says as he turns his face away

What was he to say? I figure it's best to not push it, so we just continue to stare until the sun is up.

What was Johnny gonna say?