Dear Jillian

7.

'I know you don't believe me,' Holtzmann said, blinking away tears, not minding the ones that had already journeyed down her cheeks, 'But she's here, she's in the room right now and she's here.'

Patty chewed at her bottom lip, looking to Abby and then back to Holtz.

They were at the Firehouse, all four of them.

'Where?' Abby murmured, handing the PKE back to the blonde, it had been switched off Holtzmann shedding tears again as it spun and whirled. The woman placed it on the coffee table between the two couches, Abby and Patty occupied one, Erin and Holtzmann on the other.

Erin reached her hand to Holtzmann's and the blonde clasped it with both her own.

'She's right here,' Holtzmann murmured, 'she's right next to me, she's holding my hand.'

Abby shook her head, dropping it to her hands, elbows resting on her knees.

"Abby,' Holtzmann said, a touch of frustration in her voice, 'this is what we do, how are you doubting me?'

'I'm not.'

Abby looked up at her colleague, blue eyes looking grey and swollen.

'It feels like it.'

Holtz sniffed, bringing a hand to her eyes and wiping them, they stung, they were sore, every part of her was exhausted, she ached.

'Holtzy,' Abby breathed, holding her gaze and inhaling, shaking her head slowly. Patty looked from Abby to Holtz and then to the space next to her, watching as the blonde's hands clasped onto something that wasn't there.

'Tell her to ask something,' Erin said to Holtz, and then looked at Abby, 'or tell her...I'm,' Erin tightened her grip on the woman's hands, and she nodded, 'Hugo, tell her that her favourite toy was Hugo, she slept with him every night, even in collage.'

'Hugo,' Holtzmann said, looking from the brunette to Abby, the woman meeting her eyes, 'your toy, you slept with him even in collage.'

Abby's lips parted, her eyes wide and she pursed her lips, 'No, no no,' she said in disbelief, her head moving from side to side.

'Um,' Erin said, watching as Abby looked like she was becoming upset and frustrated, 'her first crush was Robbie, she kissed him at a party.'

Holtzmann nodded and Abby and Patty watched as as the woman looked to be listening to whatever was next to her. To Erin who was next to her.

'Robbie was your first crush, and you kissed him...at a party.'

Abby's face creased and she looked down to her hands, she was fumbling with her nails, picking at them and she nodded.

There was a silence.

A quiet.

Holtzmann could hear her heart pounding and throbbing.

'She's really there isn't she?' Abby finally squeaked, 'Here, she's here.'

Holtzmann nodded, watching as Abby's face creased even more and she sobbed silently.

'Can she hear us?' Patty whispered, then looked at the space next to the engineer, 'Erin?'

'Hey Patty,' Erin said, looking from her to Holtzmann and then back to the tall woman, 'I can hear you.'

Holtz nodded, 'Yeah, she can hear you and she can talk to you, you just can't see or hear her.'

They all nodded, thinking, acknowledging, confused.