Just Survive

Chapter Eight

"Sun's high in the sky, we've got a couple hours of light left I would say."

"You wanna go now?" Cody asks, his voice sceptical. I can see in his body language: he's concerned, in turmoil. His eyes reach mine for a glimpse. The light seeping through the windows at the top of the room illuminate his sea-blue irises. I can tell he wants everyone to get back safe, so I know he wants to go too.

"I don't see why not," Alex shrugs. "We've got the green light, let's go."

"Wait. Can I speak to you for a second?" I blurt as everyone else begins to chatter amongst each other, discussing the worries of our situation. I need to ask Alex for a favour, one he may not understand but it's something for me to figure out in my own time. Alex nods, concern riddled all over his soft, handsome features. His warm eyes already comforting. "What's up?"

We walk away from the group into a small operating room with the crusty bed pushed up against the wall along with all the other equipment. I look to Alex with wary eyes, wondering if I should tell him in case he jumps to a conclusion which might be correct.

"You can trust me, Ash."

"I think Cody should stay behind on this run," I admit, my voice hushed and rushed as I look at the doorway, making sure Cody isn't anywhere nearby. I'm prepared to lie my way out of this with false excuses because I don't know the real reason I want him to stay, I just know I need some sort of space between the two of us - some distance.

"Why?" Alex's lips purse as he tilts his head; one of the curls of his brunette hair falling in his face. I contemplate, I must choose my words with a caring nature.

"I just think maybe it would be best if he stayed and looked out for the others while we went." I shrug, my tone awkward and quiet as I begin to shuffle on my feet, making small paced steps. I wait for a round of questions from Alex, I expect nothing less.

"I understand that, but can't Craig stay?" Alex counters, pushing for more answers. He should have been a police officer with his talent of making people unknowingly spill the truth; yet, it wouldn't work for me. I've had too much practice at dodging questions.

"Yes, Craig could but I'm asking if Cody can this time," I reply, straightening my back, reinforcing my point with determination. I force my feet to stop shuffling and I resist the urge to fidget - that always gave me away.

"Okay, Ash. Can you just tell me what is going on between you and Cody?" Alex breaks, his strong demeanour shattering as he just wants to know - not for gossip or drama - but to help. You can always see through Alex's eyes, you can see what he wants, needs and feels. I guess that's why he wasn't a police officer...

"Look, I can't help if you don't tell me." He continues, attempting to get me to open up but it only frustrates me.

"Don't patronise me, Alex. I'm not one of your students." I backfire in a moment of rage and turmoil, not with him but within myself.

It's true, he did make me feel like a child sometimes but maybe that's how I'm acting. I'm lying about my feelings like some kid who doesn't want to tell their parent they got in trouble at school. "Sorry." I apologise, dropping my head and shaking it in disgust at myself. "I'm confused."

"It's fine. What are you confused about?" Alex proceeds, his forgiveness sincere in his soft eyes. His large hand reaches out and places itself on my arm, though this gesture doesn't make me feel childish - I'm, instead, comforted.

"Everything," I admit, unable pinpoint the cause or the actual problem.

All I know is that since I joined the group, I began to care and that was something I previously feared. Now it's like second nature for these people. I need to protect them and that makes it so much harder for me to comprehend. I can't understand the odd fluttering within the pit of my stomach every time I look at them and what it may mean - and why it doesn't happen for everyone. I'm full of confusion.