Mackenzie's Critique Shop

🌸 Shattered Hearts | Kulinnn_

The opening chapter introduces us to two crucial people in our story and gives us enough time, pacing, and material to sympathize with the main character. Starting the story at school was a nice way of starting a book too as it introduces the reader to a familiar environment. The feel and vibe itself was good, with Samantha walking to her job and meeting up with a guy we're introduced to as her friend and co-worker, Gerald. We then get to know more about these two characters and get to like Gerald for how even though this is only the first chapter, you've already established their friendship and how much Gerald cared for Samantha. It is also within the same chapter that the inciting incident, where her beloved father dies, happened. I think starting the story from her going about at work and her usual day is a good start to a story, rather than starting it with her instant grief for the father dying. So it's good you started it where it should be started!

Characterization:

Okay the characters are amazing! I love how Samantha has her own personality rather than just being the grievous character we're supposed to sympathize with because oh so many

bad things happened to her. She actually has a personality and honestly feels like a real person.

Samantha can sometimes be too kind and understanding, despite her circumstances and grief constantly weighing her down. She's someone sentimental and emotional, who's crying almost becomes a gag through the book (which I loved, it's rare to find emotional women in fiction nowadays). Despite that, we know she just really loves the people who gave her new life, who saved her in a time of grief. Her kindness also was the right amount (or is it?). I knew I wasn't annoyed at all with how much she understood Xander's immaturity. Probably because she still did listen to Gerald's advice at that time and decided for herself that she's not gonna let herself suffer in his place anymore.

I also really loved the side characters. Mainly Erika. She's fun and kind.

Xander, I didn't really like him as much. Even in his time with Samantha, he never struck me as anything other than the label 'love interest'. True, his relationship with Samantha before the conflict was healthy and all that, but it's just that it looked too good to be true, and even though we spent so much time with him in the middle part of the story, I never really connected to him.

I think one of the aspects that made it so hard to read the middle part of the story was because of him. His character felt butchered, like he was too much of a robot or someone speaking out of a how-to-get-a-girlfriend textbook chapter 5: tell her flowery things.

At some parts of the story, he did start growing on me more, but now that I've finished it it's like I can't be shattered that he's not actually the male lead. I was more shattered for Samantha, because she didn't deserve any of this.

I don't think much can be done for Xander though, I could see your efforts of making him likable to the readers. And it did work, if for a short time, he just doesn't have as much of a lasting impact as say, Gerald, Erika, or Samantha.

Speaking of Gerald, I can only say praises for him. Though his character, in a wider point of view, sounds like another too good to be true love interest, he still felt much more real and authentic than Xander. He waited so long for Samantha, and only wanted the best for her. He's also much more mature than Xander, and their relationship felt a lot more real and a lot less like fantasy. Gerald is just such a good character, and the fact that you managed to get that in a couple chapters (because he had less screen time than anyone else in the cast) was amazing.

Conflict and plot:

Okay now here we might have some problems. Your beginning and end is good, amazing actually. The premise isn't that exciting or interesting, but for a more laid back read it's alright. I really loved the beginning though, with this grim, grieving atmosphere. I loved Samantha going to Santa Clara for a new beginning too; the friends she met there were amazing and as they had fun and cherished each other, I as the reader cherished it too.