I'm Not Him (Maddy Perez/You)

Not Alright

I would've still been with Lani but she reassured me that she was fine, even though I knew she wasn't. I just felt better once I knew her sister would be there with her.

Being alone is the only time I'll ever breakdown like I'm doing now. I had a more than half drunken bottle of tequila on the table and a freshly lit backwood between my lips.

Despite that I still felt very sober. Trying to cover the pain of the loss isn't working. It's like the hardest part of becoming a parent. Losing your child.

Royal's gone. I thank God that I still have Riley. She's my first born and now my only child. I'd go batshit crazy if I lost her.

I hated crying but I couldn't do anything else but that. There was a time where I didn't want the baby because I was trying to pursue a relationship with Maddy. Then everything switched.

I sat and thought about it. I was actually happy as fuck. Especially when I found out that it was gonna be a boy.

One day I pray to have another boy. It won't get rid of the pain of losing Royal. But the pain will subside.

____________

Maddy's P.O.V

I was currently on the way to Y/N's house. She hasn't responded to my texts all day. And she knows I really hate that shit.

Riley has been asking for her nonstop. Usually a FaceTime call works but like I said she isn't responding. I just know it better be for good reasons.

I pulled into the driveway next to her truck. I got Riley out of the car and proceeded to the front door. It was locked but luckily I have a key. We haven't been together for awhile now and I still have a key to her house. Like I should anyway.

When I opened the door I was immediately greeted by the smell of weed. It was dark as fuck in here but I knew that Y/N was on the couch.

I turned on the nearest light and was a little concerned at the sight. Y/N looked like shit. The drugs and alcohol all on the table. She looks like she hasn't slept in awhile. Her eyes are red from what could be both crying and weed.

I seen her put away the drugs and spray some air freshener. She doesn't like smoking around Riley. I wanted to ask what was wrong but I too stunned to speak. She was just fine yesterday. All happy and whatnot. What could've happened between that time?

She picked up Riley and held her tightly like she was afraid to let go. She didn't say anything and she didn't have to. It was obvious that she was hurting.

Deciding to finally speak up I asked what was wrong. Y/N put cartoons on the TV for Riley and sat her on the other couch. I got the memo that she didn't want to have this conversation around her even if with her being too young to understand.

"He's gone." Was all that she said.

"Who is he?" I asked.

"Royal. She had a miscarriage." Y/N mumbled closing her eyes to prevent herself from crying.

I never knew that they were gonna name him Royal. That's actually cute. Riley and Royal. Anyway that's not point at all. That's actually terrible.

I always had a nightmare of having a miscarriage when I was pregnant. I don't exactly know how it feels but I know it isn't good.

And I know was against it when I found out about the pregnancy but I do feel bad for both Y/N and Lani. Nobody deserves to go through something like this.

I wasted no time taking Y/N into my arms. Me holding her seemed to put her at ease for the moment. This is like the closest we've been in so long.

I laid back on the couch while she laid on top of me. Her head laying on my boobs. I rubbed her back trying to comfort her. I just wanted her to know that I'm here for her no matter what.

Whether she knows it or not, I'm not leaving anymore. Especially not at a time like this. My baby is so sad and vulnerable. It's times like this where she's gonna need me the most.

Out of nowhere I heard her say something that I haven't heard in what feels like forever.

"I love you so fucking much." Y/N said.

"I love you too Y/N. Always will." I reply honestly.

And I do love her. Now I just have to be here for her and show her how much.

______________

I originally was gonna keep the baby. Oh well.

Not proofread

Until Next Time.