The Story Of Tonight

Chapter One

Beth was always asking me to go out with her. Whether it be my lack of spontaneity or just pure laziness, I always said no. I guess when she asked me tonight I felt guilty for my lack of remorse, and knowing she would be out on her own resulted in my dirty conscience. Ha, dirty. Beth's ruined me.

The world always feels like it's going to end, well except for those few moments every few months where I feel alive for a day, and then go back to spending 12 hours in my bed during the daytime, scrolling though the social hell everyone has become addicted to these days. I find it quite disgusting and relaxing, and I don't know how to stop. Maybe I never will.

Sometimes I try to, you know, wake up early, make my bed, open the blinds. And then the cycle of bad habits triumphs a few days later. I don't know when these habits started, I guess at one point I realized they were there, but my mind only allowed me to see back whatever it pleased in that moment. My mind was the size of a goldfish, and not even one of those big scary ones that sometimes pop up on the internet. I always thought those things were nasty.

If only I were exciting enough to be myself out in public, or private, or in general. I become the people I hang around, well, I guess that's true for everyone. But trust me, I don't even know who I am, or maybe that's just my insecurities speaking out trying to get attention. No, in my mind I know who I am.

Sometimes I think Beth only became friends with me because I agree with everything she says. It's easy to become friends with people when they think you agree with everything they say at every moment. It makes them feel validated. I like to feel validated. But most of the time I'm not, because I try not to have too many opinions.

But Beth still stays, for now at least. We sometimes have a falling out every few months because I become sheltered and refuse to answer her messages, but then she'll call and one of the lucky times I answer I'll put on a happy face and say "Sorry I've been really busy, how are you doing?" of course she's doing good.

Something's different about tonight though, a minute after stepping foot into the cafe Beth pulled me into a hug. She said the usual thing "What's up! It's so good to see you again." I was distracted by the polished woman behind her, smiling, arms crossed, if she wasn't gazing between Beth and I I would've skipped over her. She was tall, but ordinary. Her demeanor was relaxed, but still confident. I was envious of this. All the times I would ever meet someone for the first time my hands would shake, my heartbeat would patter, it would be hard for me to concentrate on them without my mind running rampant. This time wasn't any different.

"Sorry for not texting you earlier, but it was kind of a last minute thing! This is Maren, she's in my philosophy class." I nodded, smiling at Maren and putting a hesitant hand towards her. She had to put her keys in her pocket before she could shake my hand, and I watched as she brought her eyes towards my own.

"It's good to meet you, I'm Dani."

She smiled back at me, shook my hand, and politely said "You too."

There wasn't anything particularly interesting about Maren, sure she was the epitome of 'chill' and treated our entire lunch as such, resting her arm on the empty seat beside her, and chatting to us like we had known each other our whole lives. She was also well dressed, in a long coat, button down shirt, and an abnormal amount of accessories. But she got on my nerves.

I couldn't go a moment without picking at the dry skin beside my fingernail, while she acted like she owned the place. It didn't help that her and Beth got along great. They were talking about an assignment for the class they shared, apparently the teacher only gave them two days to complete it. After that I lost interest, and started moving my food around on my plate.