KIBA ; STRAY KIDS

70 ; KIBA

"KIBA-SII!" I turned to my manager who had just tumbled through the dorm, "Thank god you're alright."

"Manager-nim, tell him he can't leave!" I.N shouted in panic, and Manager-nim turn to me quickly.

"Of course, you can't leave Kiba!" Manager-nim said, and he pulled out his phone quickly.

I sighed; my head tilted to the floor. I was tired, could no one see that? I had nothing to offer them anymore. I could guarantee that everyone in the whole world, everyone close to me, everyone that supports me would now officially hate me. I would never get a job again, I was ruined.

"Kiba, the police are looking into it already." My manager explained, "Obviously, it might take a while, so you just need to lay low for a while."

"Ah fuck that." I said, "My parents have ruined me. I have nothing anymore, just leave me be, it'll be better for you guys."

"Kiba." I looked up at Seungmin who had fierce eyes, and an angry scowl on his face. I had never seen him like this, not even when I was horrible to him when we broke up. He was always the patient Seungmin, "If you give up trying to fight back, then...then I don't know you anymore."

"Are you threatening me?" I questioned, confused with this new attitude from him.

"Yes." He said, "If you start packing, then I'm breaking up with you."

I chuckled, "Okay Seungmin."

His eyes widened, and a small smile played at his face, thinking he had changed my mind. My depression and brain were one, this was more than just depression now, this was one of those stages where I needed pain to fix me. I had only ever fell into this state when I previously tried to commit. I was at that stage again.

I turned around, walked into my room and started packing. What was the point of waiting for it to die down? Not only would I look guilty, but I think I would just rather die than wait for it to blow over. What if the police couldn't help? Why would my parents call me out and not suspect the police to get involved? They obviously had something up their sleeves to ruin me more.

Plus, it's not like I had proof that I didn't steal. I did live off their money for 2 years nearly, so how was I meant to disprove that?

I had two suitcases full after an hour of procrastination and crying. I took the suitcases out into the hall.

"You're really doing this?" Seungmin seethed, his arms crossed in anger. 

I walked towards him, put my hands on his cheeks and he didn't pull away. I just silently put my forehead to his, I couldn't talk to him like this. He didn't want to hear all the pain and suffering blocking my airways. I then kissed both his cheeks, and then his lips. A final time. A final touch of love, a final touch of some feeling in my body.

I turned away from him, picked up both suitcases and left the dorm. I went down the elevator, and there was news reporter after news reporter outside of the doors. My body was tired. I had no bodyguard and walking out of this building with suitcases was going to cause me trouble. I quickly shuffled my way to the fire exit around the back of the building. I quietly made my way around the building and to my car.

I was thankful for the lack of attention, though I don't think I would've cared if they were all in my face. I kind of deserve it, and it could've drawn them away from the dorms. SKZ were going to have to move out and find somewhere new now. I was apologising in my head, but my mouth was glued shut.

I drove for an hour roughly. I think. I might have blacked out for a few minutes every 25 minutes. I was lucky the roads I had drove on were kind of empty. I arrived at a hotel and brought both my suitcases inside where I secured a room for a week. That was the longest you could rent a room out since the hotel wasn't made for tourists and long visits.

My room was medium sized. I had a small kitchen area, with only a kettle, microwave, fridge and oven. A few cupboards. The main room with a bed, and TV and a few cabinets. It had a large window too, but I shut the curtains quickly. The bathroom was small. A bath, toilet and sink with a mirror. I would be fine here.

The room was shrouded in darkness with the curtains closed. I sat on the bed. I was crying again, and this was the last time. I pulled out my phone and set it up against the TV which sat on the cabinet in front of the bed. I took a deep breath, and pressed record.

"Hello." I started, speaking in English.

"My name is Kiba.

I'm currently 20 years old.

I don't think I'll be getting any older.

My life has come to a pretty bad ending. 

My parents have ruined everything I have ever worked for, by a few simple words. They have ripped everything from out under me by the lies they have spread using the internet. 

I don't think there's any point to me correcting these lies. 

I'm tired now. I have been fighting them for so long. I'm tired now.

I want the people to know that while I was making music, and dancing on stage, that was me. A true representation of me. All I wanted to do was perform for people. That was my passion. I was thankful that it was fulfilling for me. 

I want Stray Kids to know that they meant the world to me. All of them. I was the happiest when I was with you guys. I had finally felt loved by someone. I was everything I dreamt of being when I was beside you. Thank you.

And to the rest of my friends. I love you all, I hope you keep fighting for your dreams because I couldn't do it for you. If you ever have doubts about music or performing, look at me, it will make me happy to be a muse for you. A courage for you to keep fighting.

And to Stay who have been beside me and cheered me on through a lot. I hope I haven't let you down too much. I know you had high expectations for me, I'm sorry I couldn't fulfil them. I hope you don't hate me too much, even if I deserve it. Please, keep cheering for the rest of the members, they need you. 

Thank you."

I got up, ended the recording, and then walked into the bathroom to start running a bath. I looked at the phone as I sat on the side of the bathtub waiting for it to fill up slowly. Do I post it? Do I want them to come find me? No, they'll find my phone after.

Suddenly, there was a knock on my door.