Ryan is silent for a moment, but I can tell that whatever happened in the bathroom, it was not a heartfelt moment.
"What are you talking about, Dad...?" He asks, calm, but I can hear the slight quiver in his voice as he trailed off.
"Lucy and I are getting married. That means Jayce will be your sister. Our families will be join-"
Ryan cuts his father off with a soft bang on the table. "I know what that means. I want to know why you would do that to Mom." His voice is steady, but it's clear he is losing his cool. I try not to be in the middle of this, and Mama is letting Ryan's father do the calming down.
"Son. It is time for you to move on." He says plainly, easily keeping calm with an on-edge teenager. It's almost scary.
Ryan bangs onto the table, and before Arthur can get another word out, his son books it. Where to? I don't know. I expect Arthur to go after him, but he stays with us, sighing into her hands. Mama gives him a gentle pat on the back, rubbing circles of endearment on her future husband's back.
"He's been like this since his mother died two years ago. I don't know when he will let go of her death..." He says pitifully. I wish I could console Arthur as well, but I'd have nothing good to say, so I just looked empathetically at him.
"Should I go get Ryan?" I suggest sheepishly. I don't know how to control out-of-control boys. I'm only comfortable around Jason, and he's more of an exception than anything.
Arthur shakes his head. "No, no. Let him be, and he'll cool down." I still feel bad, even though he says I shouldn't go, something pulls at me to go anyway. I fight the urge.
A couple of minutes later an awkward waitress takes our bill and we all exit the restaurant together: Mama, Arthur, and I. We find Ryan sitting outside the restaurant, sitting on a metal bench in the darkness of the night. He silently falls into line at my side as we make our goodbyes before going to our separate cars.
I want to say something to him-anything-but my brain is just not working today. I don't understand it. Still, I leave Ryan will something that could pass as parting words; "It was nice meeting you, Ryan. Guess I'll see you later?"
He responds with a shrug-fine by me-and he goes off to his father's car a while away from our car. I slide in Mama's passenger side and we go home. I completely forget to send Jason the dinner log as I slipped off the dress and one-inch heels and flop my make-up-free face into my pillow. Sleep swallows me immediately.
***
The transition to having two new men/boys in the house was both sudden and not at all intrusive. At first, I thought I would hate having to share the house with Ryan and Arthur, but none of them bothered me all that much and respected my bedroom as "my space" so I could always just disappear in there if anything got too much for me. Even though Ryan took space in the guest room next to mine. And even though Mama and Arthur weren't officially husband and wife, it felt like a real family together, just the four of us.
Even school wasn't bad. Ryan got transferred to Wahington a couple of days after the big news and even helped me with my addiction to the musical when Mama and Arthur were out on their couple dates. As the days passed I feel like we had a mutual friendship happening.
And yet I couldn't help but look at him differently than a brother. Maybe it was his looks, maybe it was his personality, or maybe I was just too desperate for love. Whenever Ryan was close to me, I wanted to lean in and snuggle up with him. He was just too perfect for me I couldn't not have a go. No? Nevertheless, I knew that this love was wrong. Ryan was almost my stepbrother; Mama and Arthur were getting married in a month. I couldn't fall in love with my brother, even if it was non-biological. It was wrong. ...But I wanted to. I wanted to love him so badly.
