i don't do fake love (but i'll take some from you tonight)

iv.

Hester was upset. Visibly so, enough for everyone in close range to avoid her as she took a sulky walk to the deck. The sun was in its peak, burning her skin as she leaned against the railing to watch the waves. They were unnaturally big, hitting the boat, sending it swinging. At least she had privacy, everyone too worried about their lives to enjoy the view. Cold wind was smacking against her face, hair constantly in her face, making her skin itch with irritation even more.

She wasn't just angry. Anger was an old friend, justified even, because it was there to protect her. She needed it to survive, a bodyguard of her mind. But she pointlessly tried to swallow a ball forming in her mouth and her eyes watered. Yeah, fuck. Emotions. Not what she was looking for at the moment. She looked around to see whether she was alone. She sure was. With full force, she kicked the railing of the ship. Hard. Again and again, until she felt her bones ache, until her eyes dried up and she could breathe freely.

She felt a presence behind her. She looked back, seeing a silhouette of a figure approach her. Not the one she wanted to see though. Because of course it wasn't her. But it was Janet, finally dropping that obnoxious smile and looking somewhat empathetic, bringing salt to her fresh wounds. What a day.

"I've heard you argue with your fiancée. So sorry to hear that."

Hester froze, mortified. Some parts of the conversation were definitely not meant to be heard. Especially not the ones that exposed their relationship as utterly fake. Which were most of them, being too fed up to filter herself constantly. Part of what was pushing her over the edge was the constant surveillance, looming over them as if they were apart of a dystopia, not what was supposed to be their dream.

"I've known about your scheme for a long time. Nice story, but how could anyone buy it? And your social media accounts seemed too out of sync. Don't worry though. Your secret stays safe with me."

Taking a step forward, she smelled like rosemary and lavender. Janet linked their hands. They didn't fit together. Not like hers and Anadils did. But they were soft and warm and made her distracting thoughts stop.

"So you're technically single," Janet said with a self-satisfied smile.

"You've heard what I said," muttered Hester, not wanting to speak of the situation more than was necessary.

Janet was awfully close to her, their shoulders close to touching. She felt no sparks on her skin, just the warmth of another person, senses looking for comfort of any kind. And she needed to get all the thoughts out of her head. Blank slate. Not this mess she was feeling.

A selfish part of her was satisfied. This would easily prove her point too. She could do whatever she wanted. And Ani had no right to be jealous of her, not after rejecting her. What claim did she have over her? Just because she occupied her head all the time didn't mean she could control her. Because of course she'd judge her, privately, so discreetly she'd never know if she didn't catch her gaze so many times.

Not that she was exactly fighting the image. Janet was pushed against her, her arms wrapping around her instinctively. A small voice inside her head warned her to not do it, to spare herself the trouble guaranteed to follow. She never was that big on listening.

"Listen, not here," she told her, shutting down her brain. "Someone will see us."But her body livened up, waves of excitement pulsating through her veins, heat rushing through her skin.

"Hopefully your bitch of a wife," said Janet, her focus not leaving Hester's lips. To her own surprise, Hester's first reflex was to defend Anadil. Maybe she was the first to insult her, but that was different. She had a reason to.

"Don't talk about her like that," she let out a low growl.

"Why defend her so much? She's not worth it. Doesn't even like you, probably."