The only thing that she did consciously was dragging him into the bathroom - wanting to be away from the crowds and not wanting anyone to see them. The size of the stall forcing them against each other but she was sure that they would've been doing that anyway. His hands on her rib cage was igniting her skin.
Slowly the realisation began to set in, that she was kissing him and she shouldn't be. She promised herself she wouldn't. Quickly she pulled away, both of their hearts racing.
Alex just assumed she needed a moment to breath but the look on her face told him otherwise as he looked at her in confusion. "Sorry." She mumbled, all she could hear was her own heartbeat and her head suddenly felt lightheaded. "I'm- I think I'm just really drunk."
Alex tried to pretend that it didn't hurt.
That she was so quick to dismiss it as if she didn't feel the way that he did.
"I can take you home if you want?" He asked, worried about her and the quick mood change. Despite his bruised ego he still didn't want her walking alone. She looked like a deer in headlights.
"No!" She blurted, a hand coming to her forehead to try and numb the dizziness. She closed her eye for a moment as she took a deep breath and told him quickly desperate to leave, "No its okay. I just need some fresh air. I'll see you later." Show out, leaving him in a hurry walking past without a second look as she left him in the bathroom.
Alex groaned and threw his head back in frustration, running his hands down his face.
She knocked on Lauren's door mind oblivious of the fact that it was 4am. Her red cheeks glistened with fresh tears her eyes were the same red.
On the way home she got a message from Alex saying 'Couldn't find you anywhere so I assume that you've gone home, let me know you okay.' She gave him a quick reply and then felt the tears start. The realisation that she had ruined their friendship and it would never be the same again. The thought was overwhelming. She couldn't focus on anything else.
She needed some company and comfort so she walked 20 minutes to Lauren's house.
When she opened the door she was clearly annoyed since she was woken up but as soon as she saw Olivia her face softened as she quickly hugged her (ignoring the fact she was stood on the pavement with no shoes), "Omg, what happened?" She asked as she tightly wrapped her arms around Olivia's crying body.
She sniffled and struggled to talk through the tears as she mumbled, "I fucked it up! I've ruined it."
Lauren ran her hand up and down Olivia's back as the other stroked her head, "It's okay, it's okay. Just deep breaths, calm down." Olivia do what Lauren said choking on her tears but slowly began to regain a steady heart rate. "There you go, let's get inside and I'll go make you a tea."
She guided Olivia to the living room setting her down on the sofa as she draped a blanket over her. She left to make Olivia a tea and when she returned Olivia was looking vacantly at the wall.
"You okay now?" Lauren asked gently. Olivia shook her head, not trusting herself to talk without bursting into tears again. Lauren nodded handing Olivia the mug whilst she sat down next to her, rubbing her shoulder.
After a minute of Olivia sniffling she finally turned to Lauren, "I think I've fucked it up with Alex."
"What do you mean?"
"I kissed him." She admitted, a lump forming in her throat as she tried to swallow it down, "We kissed and now it's all ruined."
Lauren ignored her shock in favour of comforting her friend. "No it's not. Why is it a bad thing?"
"Because I can't date him and he's not going to want to stay friends with me. So I've lost him." She said helplessly and angry at herself.
"Why can't you date him? From an outside perspective you guys seem perfect for each other."
"Because I like him too much - If we date I know that I'm going to loose him. He'll either get bored or . . . or find something that he doesn't like about me and it'll hurt more when he decides he's had enough and leaves."
"You know Alex isn't like that." Lauren tried to reason but the look on Olivia's face knew she was too stubborn to change her mind on this.
Lauren looked at Olivia sadly as she asked, "Why don't you ever let yourself be happy?" Olivia could feel the tears starting again so she didn't reply. Lauren smiled at her sympathetically. "Come on."
They both went to Lauren's bedroom and Lauren held Olivia tightly all night as she quietly cried.
SIXTEEN
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