Nathan was the only view I focused on in this damning room. I couldn't find the will to go through these books, even after he had given me the details of the assignment. Probably because he included the deadline - in which I should've warned him beforehand - because knowing it was faraway than the present, it hampered my motivation to finish stuff early.
I inspected my nails, thinking they need some polish. I abandoned my self-care routine for more than two weeks now. School work has taken a toll on me now that exam was coming up in two more weeks. I must've looked really demonic to passerby these days, doubled with my somber look.
"Can I ask? Why are you following me now?" His voice pierced the silence between us, catching me off guard. I shot him an offended look, my lips tilted downside to further show my disapproval.
He rolled his eyes, pushing a book he was holding back in its place. "I told you the whole thing. You're doubting me or?"
I shook my head, "I am not."
"Alright?" He urged, although there was no signs of annoyance on his face.
"I do not feel like going back to class." I admitted, although I wasn't sure why I told him that. I could've just dipped out but his presence was somewhat comforting after the whole ruckus.
He progressed forward, leaving me behind. I perked my head up in alarm and followed him like a lost pup, hoping to not lose sight of him. This time wasn't the best to be alone with my thoughts.
"Wait, wait up!" I whisper-yelled, just as he disappeared around a corner. I took a turn to my left and saw a glimpse of his red hoodie as he took yet another sharp turn.
Is he trying to lose me? I thought, skidding to a stop. Why am I chasing him anyway? I have better things to do - I guess. Or I can just call in sick. I've been feeling light-headed since morning, this could work.
However, before I can execute my plans, I was pulled through one of the aisles. My eyes widened at the unforeseen gesture, but even wider when I realized how close our faces were. Nathan put a finger up his lips, signalling silence as I stared dumbly in concocted emotions.
He mouthed something, but God knows how terrible of a lip reader I was. I could only frown and stare at his lips, trying so hard to make out whatever he was trying to convey. I didn't get to guess more when my head was gently pushed to the side, to see two people sucking the soul out of each other through not-family-friendly passionate kissing from behind the lined up books.
Seriously? In a damn library?
I scrunched my nose up in disgust, confused as to why he even hide in the first place. If it weren't for my mood, I would've just walk in on them and pretend like I was searching for books or something. And if they know no shame, I would sit and read said book on the spot. Two can play at a game - or perhaps three.
However, my eyes started to hyper focus on the faces. It was like they zoomed in because something was in it for me. And boy, there really was. There really, really, really was.
"Hell yeah." Nathan smirked, dusting off a book I didn't realize he was holding. "I've always known she was no saint. What's more, it is with a student. I will totally air this live-"
Ringing was the only thing I could hear in my head at the moment. Nathan's words were tuned out at the last minute, and I couldn't exactly guess his speech because first, I am a bad lip reader, and second, my eyes were blurry.
That's right.
I bawled my eyes out for the second time that day.
I bit my lip, repressing the ugly sounds I usually produce when I cry. At the moment, I felt like hundreds of glass shards were piercing my heart. It was already dull in the first place - but now that I see Matt making out with Ms. Rodriguez, the poor little thing seemed to slow its beating. I couldn't blame it, though. It beared so much pain because my hopeless self fall easy and hard. Every damn time.
I turned on my heels, leaving Nathan busy with recording and airing their vices live.
The hallway was devoid of life, much like myself. I headed for my locker and unlocked the metal box before rummaging for my P.E shirt, but instead found a bunch of letters inside. A bunch of familiar letters.
Something told me that I should just toss the matter aside, but I was curious and persistent. I could feel my heart dropping to my stomach at the heart shaped glitters that covers all the envelopes. The purple flower stamp seemed to shine extra at the moment, almost like it was mocking me for all the dollars I wasted to purchase it.
"Shit, shit, shit!" I could feel my tears pouring out once again as the letters slip out of my fingers. Twenty-six of them scattered all over the floor, creating a glittering mess with a deranged teenager as the star of the chaos.
Pain was gripping my heart so hard I couldn't breathe. I've always crushed on Matt. I sent him letters occasionally, the twenty-seventh one upcoming. He returned every single one of them today out of all day.
God I'm so dramatic. He wasn't even my boyfriend!
But why won't I stop crying? I buried my face in my hands, sick and tired of having things out of control. I am so weak, I couldn't even control imperceptible things like emotion. I had nothing to say to myself. Someone like me wasn't even worth speaking of - let alone talk to.
"You're so amazing. I've never seen someone cry so much in such a short span of time." A voice sounded, collected despite the amazement he confessed. The locker's door was closed shut as the sound of lock reached my ears. I turned towards the direction where I sensed he wasn't, and wiped my sobs away before squatting down to collect my letters.
Nathan mumbled something incomprehensible before joining in my work. He picked a lot of them swiftly and effortlessly, his movement was similar to those of a craftsman's. I felt bitter at the extraordinary qualities he seemed to possess and felt my mood were dampened even more.
"I don't need your help." I snapped, confiscating the letters in his hands.
He whistled before surrendering his hands up, "okay grumpy lady, you don't need my help. This nosy man was just here to salute you for leaving her partner in crime vulnerable to the roaming authorities." He stared at me blankly, hands down. "I could've gotten caught."
"Is my face morphing into your caretaker's? 'Cause I don't quite care. Never even agreed to whatever stupid plan you had in mind."
Nathan frowned, his initially playful aura nowhere to be found. For a split moment, I felt bad for lashing out on him since he did nothing, but I couldn't stay sober once my eyes landed on a single letter in his hand.
A letter I sent to Matthew on Valentine.
I huffed, tossing the bunch in his hands to get it off my sight. Bringing them home with me will do me no good. "Throw these away for me. I'll buy you a coffee tomorrow after school. Thanks."
"Nah-uh. My dignity was stepped on. My reputation has been tarnished." He shook his head, tightening his hold around the letters. His countenance was serious and the guilt came flooding in once again. "Therefore, a coffee won't be enough."
"A coffee and a favour." I quickly corrected him, clenching and unclenching my fists. "I'll do whatever is within the law."
There was a moment of silence. Painfully long silence. If I wasn't wrong a minute might've passed. I was looking anywhere but him - I was still embarrassed for being a total asshole to him.
"A coffee and three favours." He smiled, side-hugging the stacks of letters before extending out his hand to shake mine. I opened my mouth to protest but he was quick to counter.
Nathan shook his head, "no bargains. I helped your homework, I am bearing your insults that are life-long."
"You are dramatic." I grumbled. "Coffee, tomorrow. Right after school."
The boy smiled, dimples beguiling. "Right after school. Alright."
