𝙻𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝙱𝚢 𝙻𝚒𝚗𝚎 - 𝙺. 𝚃𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚊 𝚡 𝙾𝙲

13 - You're Cool Now

Chapter Thirteen

Comfortably situated on her bed with the window open and her laptop in front of her, Hara poured her heart into her fanfiction.

Opting to take the long walk home from White Rabbit rather than catching a bus, Nishida kept hoping for a moment of clarity. She kept wishing that with each step she took she'd be closer to an answer, closer to the universe unveiling its plan for her so that she didn't have to navigate through her life by wading through murky waters. She thought she felt a spark between herself and Matsuda and now she found herself second-guessing that. Was she just mistaking his flirtation for something more than it actually was?

Hara sighed, her chest feeling weighed down by a comically large anvil as if she were a cartoon character. She couldn't blame Tsukishima for the sadness she felt. She knew he was just trying harder to be nice to her because he'd caught her crying about something he'd said so why did she have to see that as something that it wasn't? Why did she keep hurting herself when she already knew better than to think Tsukishima might be able to think of her as something more?

By the time she approached her building, the blonde was a bit disappointed she still hadn't shaken off her self-consciousness. She had always been a relatively self-assured person but lately she couldn't help feeling inferior at times and it was beginning to chip away at her mentally. Why couldn't things just be easy for once?

A tear slid down Hara's cheek as she continued to write. She was on a sinking ship and felt a little guilty for pulling her main character down with her but she wasn't sure how else to let it out. She didn't know how to find a liferaft and instead clung onto her character to try and share her burden before she drowned in her own misery. Hara thought she was pathetic for how depressed she was about her situation, but Tsukishima was her first love. It was a hard pill to swallow when she saw him nearly every day.

Maybe the space will be good for me...I'll try to get it all out of my system before Tsukki and Yama come back and everything can go back to normal.

.・゜゜・❁・゜゜・．

It had been two days since Tsukishima had spoken with Hara. No calls, no texts, nothing in their group chat. It felt nearly the same as the Nekoma training camp only this time Tsukishima knew why there was radio silence because he was the one who initiated it. He was the one who needed space and it was clear that Hara understood that despite the fact that he hadn't asked for it.

Volleyball had become a good distraction, but only for a little while. By the end of each afternoon his thoughts would begin to wander and he'd think about Hara. What was she doing with her break? Was she lonely without Yamaguchi or Yachi around to talk to? Had she messaged either of them and was only avoiding him? Tsukishima scowled at the thought. After seeing her so disappointed at the arcade with her eyes glued to her other two friends he doubted that she'd reach out to them either.

Checking his phone after their last official practice match of the day, Tsukishima held onto a sliver of hope that Hara might have sent a text. A one word greeting or even a stupid emoji would have given him peace of mind. It was as he took a sip from his water bottle that a new notification popped up; she'd posted a new update to her fanfic.

I thought she only posted on Mondays but at least she's keeping busy...

Tsukishima tapped on the notification and it opened up to her newly updated chapter. He skimmed the first paragraph, unaware of the pinch server who'd approached him until he spoke up. "Chapter Nine? She posted again?" Yamaguchi questioned before Tsukishima coughed awkwardly and locked his phone to avoid further embarrassment. "I didn't know you were keeping up with the story, Tsukki."

"Only for future blackmailing," Tsukishima retorted, though Yamaguchi remained unconvinced.

"Right...okay, Tsukki," Yamaguchi sighed.

After more training with his team, Tsukishima announced that he was leaving and began the walk back to their accommodations. Why did everything feel so pointless lately? Why should he put so much energy into things that only end up hurting? With Hinata around, he'd never surpass him just as Akiteru hadn't with the Tiny Giant and was he really willing to put his effort into something that would never actually amount to anything? Was it even worth bothering to put his heart into a hopeless situation?

"TSUKKKKKKIIIIIII!"

The blond turned around to find Yamaguchi running toward him like a madman. Once he was in front of him, Yamaguchi placed his hands on his knees as he took heavy breaths. Offering little interest, Tsukishima simply replied with, "What?"

"Tsukki, you've always done everything in a cool, smart way. I was always jealous," Yamaguchi started, his heart racing from both his mix of anxiety and frustration as well as the sprinting he'd done to reach his friend.

"Yeah, and?"

Strengthening his resolve, Yamaguchi blurted out everything he'd been holding back. "But you've been acting really lame lately, okay? You're still being mean to Haruhi when she doesn't deserve it and I know you see it upsets her! Even if you only want to be her friend you should still try to be nice!" He stood up straight, though the intensity in his eyes only grew more determined. "And Hinata may very well become the next Tiny Giant someday, but if that's true then you just need to buck up and beat him! You've got more skill, so use it to prove you're a better player than he is! You have the height, the brains, and the reflexes. So why do you always set limits for yourself? Why?"

Willfully ignoring what he already knew about Hara, Tsukishima tried to show Yamaguchi his point of view. "Fine. Let's say I tried really hard and became the best player at Karasuno. What comes after that? On the off chance that we get to go to the national championships, what comes next? There's always another level to get to. No matter how good you get, you can never be number one." Feeling himself getting more worked up as he thought about it, about how his brother had poured so much effort into volleyball only to spend time on the bench and eventually quit, his frustration became evident in his voice. "Which means you'll eventually lose! Everyone knows that! What's the point? What makes you guys keep pushing? Why does it even matter?!"

Yamaguchi gritted his teeth, remembering how shitty it felt when he disappointed his team with a failed serve. He never wanted to feel that way again so why would Tsukishima want to feel that? Every word spoken by the blocker only riled him up more. He didn't know how to get through to him and out of desperation grabbed onto his white gym shirt. "Don't be an idiot! It's our sense of pride, what more do you need?!"

In that moment, Yamaguchi had shown an intensity that Tsukishima had never seen from him. He hadn't really connected the dots from his attitude toward volleyball to his pride before, nor when it came to Hara. Was that what she saw in him back then? That he had potential to achieve things if he only cared enough to truly try? What if he did try though...what could he actually accomplish? What if Yamaguchi was right? Tsukishima smirked at the thought. He's never stood up to me before.

"Well how bout that. The day finally came," Tsukishima chuckled while his friend looked at him with his boyish features snarled with frustration. "When the hell did you become such a badass?"

Yamaguchi's expression immediately fell into a dumbstruck confusion, expecting to get yelled at and insulted instead of complimented. "Huh?"

"Really. You're cool now."

Shocked, Yamaguchi knew there must be a catch. That had to be a joke, right? "Tsukki?! What's wrong with you?"

Tsukishima's smile fell and he let out a breath, his tone beginning to match the swirl of emotions residing within him. "At least cooler than me obsessing over it all. But still, I'm not convinced yet. I'll go ask them."

Tsukishima turned away to go back to the gym where he knew the captains of Fukurodani and Nekoma were practicing. Maybe they'd be able to give him more of a reason to try...