i don't do fake love (but i'll take some from you tonight)

iii.

"Do it yourself," came the response as Hester threw the blanket in her direction, only it had landed on the floor.

"So we just die together, because we've decided to act like kindergartners? Lovely."

Hester finally seemed to realize the absurdity of the situation, an amused grin appearing on her face, still putting in no effort. "We can hold hands in the hospital. Maybe they'll give us a two-for-one discount."

"Do you think Blakely will pay for us? Is this a part of our dream wedding plan?"

"Oh shit, he won't. Better not die, imagine Dot having to pay for our funeral."

"Oh shit, we better start saving now," muttered Anadil with the most unengaged tone possible, as she went to pick up the blanket, falling gracelessly onto the bed as waves hit the boat. "Great, we're gonna sink. Even better."

"Listen, if the whole boat sinks, we don't have to make a fuss about our funerals. More economical."

"And we'll end up haunting a shipwreck in the middle of nowhere."

They finally settled in together, awkwardly watching each other, waiting for someone to make the first move. For a moment, they laid apart, bodies aching to touch. But then they gave in, the cold in the room being enough of a reason. The argument hardly seemed serious at the moment. Their limbs intertwined together, a tangled mess out of desperation. Somehow though, it felt more safe than ever.

Anadil felt Hester's head rest against her collarbone, flashbacks to the moments earlier flashing through her mind, making her breath hitch a bit.

"Am I pressing too much?" asked Hester, somehow noticing.

"Nah. Just cold in here." Slowly, she wrapped her arm around Hester's shoulders, as if to signal that she wasn't bothering her, that she was doing the exact opposite of that. She could feel their breaths sync.

It was the interesting thing about human bodies. Somehow, they could choose people they liked. They copied, whether it was mannerism or things as uncontrollable as a heartbeat. What a thing it was, your physical vessel showing affection regardless of what you thought or whatever the conditions were. And Anadil's body seemed to do that a lot when with Hester. To her absolute annoyance, that is.

She sure as fuck wasn't going to let her body win over her head, not in something like that. Not with how clearly she fitted just right with her. Not with how she could hear her heart beat the same rhythm as hers did. Not with the softness of her hair or her skin or- No.

It's too hard to try to keep your distance when every inch of you yearns to keep close.

"This feels like one of the cheap survival movies," muttered Anadil, the silence making her thoughts unbearably loud.

She felt Hester chuckle, the sensation setting butterflies soaring in her stomach. God, this was bad for her. Yet her fingers operated on their own, tracing lightly along Hester's spine. She could feel her friend's body tense and then relax into her hands.

No one in their right mind ever described Hester as fragile, but at the moment, she sure felt like it. She never seemed all that threatening as she wanted to, but now, she was just soft and comfy in her arms

And she was doing it again. Great. The butterflies in her stomach were multiplying, taking her insides by storm.

But after a while, they left, leaving a big hole inside of her. Because they've been there before, done all that before. And they've still been in the same place years after. They just weren't like that. Fooling around was what they were good at and what they were predestined to do. Well, Hester was good at that. And Anadil absolutely wasn't, no matter how hard she tried. Because she was always the one left wanting more, the one hoping. And she took the job upon herself to distance herself. Because in the end, she'll always be the one taking it too seriously, wanting too much.