Right Where I Needed to be

Rule Number Four

"I don't like telling people I'm sick." I informed.

"I guessed that." He replied with a small laugh. "Can I be honest with you for a minute?" I nodded. "If you didn't tell me and I found out by your death, I would have spent the next couple of years hating you." I turned my head to him in shock. "We're supposed to go drinking sometime so I can teach you how to play darts, remember?"

"Y-yeah." I stuttered.

"I'd be pretty pissed if I never got the chance to do that with you. I've learned to appreciate every minute with you. I don't want to think about all the things I could have said or done before you died. I want the chance to actually say what I want to say to you and do what I want with you. If you don't want to tell everyone you're sick, that is your business. However, I think you should think about it more. You have so many people in your life that love you and I know they'll be devestated, but they'll also be hurt that they never got the chance to say what they wanted to say." I listened to him, soaking in every word he was saying. He wasn't wrong, but I don't know if I can do it. I don't think I'm strong enough.

"I don't want to hurt anybody." I whispered.

"I know you don't, but you're hurting yourself in the process. What happens if you tell Bakugo that you're sick and he still wants to be with you?"

"Then he's an idiot." I replied with a small laugh.

"Maybe, but that's his decision too."

"I get where you're coming from and I promise, I will think about it."

"Thank you." He smiled before slightly changing the topic. "How did your appointment go last week?" He asked.

"About as good as I was expecting it to." I responded honestly. "Cancer is tricky. It can be at a standstill for a few months and then progress super fast, which is what happened. It hadn't spread for about two months, but it eventually caught up."

"So how long do you have left?" He asked.

"Right now? A little under ten months." I informed. "However, it could progress really fast within the next month or two and I could be looking at six months. It could stay at a standstill for a few months and spread quickly after that. There's no definite timeline, but that's the closest estimate I'm going to get. However, I'll go into organ failure within the next year for sure." I explained.

"Deku, I'm so fucking sorry." He whispered.

"It is what it is." I shrugged. "I've come to terms with it." He opened his mouth to say something else, but another knock on the door stole our attention. We dropped the conversation as I walked to the door, opening it to reveal Kacchan.

"Hey, you ready?" He asked gently, glancing between me and Hatari.

"Yeah, let me grab my bag." I responded. "Hatari, thank you. I'll look over everything in the morning."

"Sounds like a plan." He replied happily, walking past me and out the door. I was once again, alone with Kacchan. I hated the awkward atmosphere, but I missed him. I was getting tired of avoiding him. I don't know if I should tell him the truth, or just tell him I'm not interested in him. I could always pretend the kiss never happened and we could go back to the way we were.

"Did you want to grab takeout on the way home?" He asked.

"Yeah, get whatever you want. I'll pay." I smiled softly. I didn't know how I wanted to handle it yet, but I do know that I didn't want to ignore him anymore. I missed him too damn much.
————————

"How much longer are you going to keep me with Hatari?" Kacchan asked as he pushed his food around his plate. This is the first time I've sat down for a meal together since the kiss. "I know I messed up." He mumbled. His eyes stayed focused on his food.