Vex

Chapter Nine: All I'm Good For

"So you do view me as an object?" she asks angrily. I ran my hands through my hair. That's not what I'm trying to say. What kind of man would admit to feeling like that? Real men don't get used; they use others. That's what a man of royal status does.

"What! No. Why do you always have to find the deeper meaning of things? What I said was wrong, and it wasn't how I felt about you at all. Isn't that enough?" I question. Why can't that be sufficient enough?

"No! It's not enough. You don't know how humiliating it felt hearing that stuff come out of your mouth. What did I do to deserve to be treated so shitty?"

"Nothing, I just...I never meant to hurt you, Vex. You have to believe me." I reply while looking down at her. The more I replied, the more it seemed to upset her. Everything I'm saying is only making it worse. How can I fix this? If things continue like this, I won't stand a chance.

"Why did you talk about me as if my value was solely based on how well I fuck you?!" She yelled while looking up at me.

Her gaze that once felt warm now felt cold. I was responsible for my words and the weight that they carried. There was no way I could begin to repair what I had broken with just my feelings alone. She deserved the truth. Why did I say that about Vex? I was angry but not at her particularly. I wanted to hurt my brother. I wanted him to stop trying so hard to go after you. He should've given up on you, but he looked at me the same way you are now. Second chance? I must be an idiot. I sat down without saying anything. Her cold gaze was still staring at me.

"I wanted to seem in control. I wanted it to seem like I had you solely to myself so that my brother would stop caring about you so much. I just wanted him to back off...I know it's not a good reason or even a worthy reason. But I'm sorry if I made it seem like I view you so little. Honestly, I'm new to this whole thing."

"New to what? Treating people with respect?"

"My entire life, I didn't have to respect anyone, and everything was given to me. Whether it was women or money, I could have it solely because of who I was and how I looked. So that's how I approach everything. Anything or anyone I wanted would come to me. But then you show up. A woman who was immune to my charms and status. A woman who changed my brother almost overnight. But you are a human. How can a human be so captivating?"

"I was intrigued. I never batted an eye at a human unless it was temporary. But the more and more I entangled myself in you, the more I lost control. I hadn't had sex with you, yet I couldn't stay away from you. I couldn't break things off because the very idea pained me. I couldn't sleep with someone else because I constantly thought of you. It was like a sickness."

"How could someone I barely know plague my mind so much? How could I lose control so fast of the situation? What started as just a simple curiosity blossomed into something else that I had no handle on. So when Jax confronted me about you, I snapped at him. I was angry at him but angrier at myself. I took out my complex feelings towards you on him because everything was so brand new and different that it drove me crazy. Jax dismissed the way I felt to validate his own feelings, and it scared me. I felt he would ruin everything if I didn't stake my claim right then and there. Even though I know you don't belong to me."

I couldn't stop talking. It was like the words flowed out of my mouth like vomit. All my emotions were oozing out, and I felt so stupid and exposed. She'll probably look at me as less than a man now. This isn't like me. I couldn't look at her.

"Draci-"

"You don't have to say anything. I know I ruined everything, and you hate me so-" It felt like sand was running down my throat. This is why I should stick to what I'm good at—screwing them and leaving before any feelings develop. What I'm feeling isn't nice or fun. Liking someone is like a curse, and I want to free myself from it. I felt a hand grip my own. I stared at her hand as if it would disappear if I blinked.