You fixed my circle

Chapter Twelve <3

I started to get a better understanding of life, and started slowly gaining confidence. Every now and then, someone would stare at me in the hallway, but I learned to ignore them. They didn't know what I know knew. They didn't understand. My cousin Brooklyn helped a lot. If I didn't have her, I would have probably not made it through those tough times. I remember reading a quote on the internet, and that is one that everytime tears visited my eyes, I whispered it to myself.

"To the world; you might be one person. But to one person; you might be the world."

It reminded me that I did mean something. That I was important, some way, some how. I really was. Now, Brooklyn couldn't be there for me all the time, because she had a life, and friends too; but I really did appreciate her help. Some times though, I felt alone. It was the worst feeling in the world, a feeling no words can describe. Being alone, is just like going into a depth of blackness. And, since you're alone, you don't want to come out. Never. If it wasn't for Brooklyn, I probably would have been stuck there, sinking deeper, and deeper, so that maybe no one could find me. No one could bring you back to reality.

But that light, the one always covered up by our fears and sorrows, grew as time passed. And one day, I realized that light; was my hope. Hope that I was going to be okay, and that someone had given me a second chance to get it right. That little spark of light was enough for me to climb out of the blackness; and look at life in a whole new way. I had hope that I was going to create a life worth telling people about, and since I had Brooklyn and my spirit , I didn't see what else I was going to need.

I did find myself writing and listening to music more and more each day. Each day gave me courage to continue to the next. A lot of the songs were about love. But, I didn't even know what love was. I guess it was a good feeling, while it lasted. The other thing people sang about was heartbreak; which apparently came after love. I really didn't understand the whole cicle. I mean,  why would you put yourself through this "love" if the pain came after it? Why take the chance? From all these books, and quotes, and songs, I could tell I didn't want to take part in any of this "love" buissness. Taking chances, just to fall again, wasn't my specialty. All in all, in those days, I wasn't into dating, love, guys, or anything of that nature. I was just into focusing on myself, and what mattered in my life. I let the journey of "finding" myself take over. I thought that was all I had to do to fix things, but then everything changed.

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I started to talk more and more to Brooklyn, and I think I even started to rely on her. She was the only person keeping me from crawling back into non-existance, and shutting out reality. So, as my time talking to Brookly increased, so did my knowledge of her town. She told me about this guy she liked named Daniel, but everyone called him Dan. He seemed like a cool kid, and I finally got to talk to him when Brooklyn added him to the video chat we were in. I remember how happy she was when they started going out. I thought they were perfect for eachother, and if he hurt her, I was going to kill him.

Brooklyn always told me how much she "loved" him; although I still couldn't understand this concept of "love". And I didn't think I would ever need to. As the days went on, so did me and Brooklyn's friendship. I was calling and texting her 24/7 now. Then, one day, we were doing a group chat on a website, and she added a couple of her friends, including two boys named Nathaniel and Seth. And well...I guessed things changed, including my perspective of life.