roses don't grow in winter

Contempt

Contempt: the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.

Omniscient

The rush was over.

I couldn't do anything else but sit and watch, ignoring the dull ache in my muscles.

My heart thrummed along to the pulsing of my throbbing brain and burning lungs, the panic taking the place of my old friend Adrenaline.

They're gone.

I killed them in the cold blood that coated my hands. my clothes. Pooled the floor making a crimson sea around my cold bare feet.

They watched me coughing their last breaths, spasming like a fish out of water.

Even now they watched my every move the gun still in my hand hanging...dangling.

Their eyes held a sense of betrayal, it mocked me.

I can't be in the wrong. I can't be the bad person for being the one to pull that trigger, Sooner or later it would be someone if not me instead on that floor.

I shook away my thoughts, No I did the right thing.

No need for gasoline, I had all I needed.

The match jumping to be lit fell from my pocket into my hand whispering on.

Light me.

The flames encapsulated their figure burning everything id ever loved, everything i began to hate all of it rising into ash fed by fire to go to even scream in pain.

A tear almost prickled my eye and for a second i imagined that instead of the person who lay unable to scream in pain there was the love I should've gotten.

A love I deserved.

Instead of blood and fire, there was a picnic blanket and maybe even some little ones.

A sandwich and lightly coloured macaroons, soft sun, green grass and trees.

The air was getting thicker, The smoke choking me. Punishing me for what I'd done...what we'd done.

The green grassland faded away and reality set in.

Should I burn with them???

Did I deserve life??? Did I even deserve death???

In the end, I walked away.

from this house slowly being eaten by flames. This relationship. This life and this person whom i once loved.

I burned for.

I would've died for it.

I wanted a future with and three kids.

Jasmine, Leah and Elara II.

My wedding dress was still on, A memory that let me taste happiness now shrouded by a sad bitter end.

The beautiful white satin was destroyed and the delicate fabric was drenched.

A lover's quarrel ended badly.

One could just think of me as a ruthless beast, which must be true but first understand me.

Give me no sympathy in which I made this decision and brought this upon myself.

But don't place all of this on me cause we were both to blame for this unfortunate ending.

Don't victimize me but hear me out, let me tell you why.

Don't glamorize me but before you shame me and become repulsed by me let me say my piece so that when I am judged, I can be judged fairly.

Only then will you understand and maybe not side with me but at least give me a chance not to be convicted alone.

To be seen as the very thing I am.

A person.

I may be ruthless and I may have shed blood, though nothing can justify this allow me to explain he wasn't deserving of me neither was I for him.

We were to people not meant for the other.

two puzzle pieces that didn't fit.

if only I'd stopped trying, we'd stopped trying.

Till death do us part...and we did.