"You may be alive, but you are not living. They have taken so much from you that what's only left is a ghost of you."
•••
Eden and Harry.
A story of two souls that found their way back to each other.
From childhood best friends, to strangers, to l...
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Eden's POV. 3 years ago, October 08, 2018
Ever since we were little we have been told that there's someone looking after us. An almighty God who is in charge of our lives and taking care of us. If you are good enough, ask enough, and do enough, then He will treat you right.
I like to believe He is not a punisher and is only responsible for the good things in life. But it is really difficult to still be faithful to Him when you feel as if He has taken everything from you. As if He has abandoned and forgotten you.
I have tried so hard to not give up, to still have hope. I have prayed and begged Him to make things better but it seems like everything just keeps getting worse. As much as I asked Him to make the pain stop, it was still there, an agonizing torment. It made me realize that whoever I was talking to didn't exist, yet it felt so real. For a few minutes at night I had Him and I didn't feel so alone, even if He was part of my imagination. It didn't matter, I would have done anything to feel a little piece of warmth and comfort.
Is there something I could have done to prevent this from happening? To prevent everything from going down? Honestly, I don't know. I just know that at the end of the day, I'll only have me and that will have to do, even if I don't like it.
As much as it hurts to admit it, I am alone.
Alone.
A single word that describes me so well. It's ironic because if you asked my 12-year-old self how she would describe herself, she would say "loved" or "happy". She had such a good life, untainted with all the darkness and pain the universe was about to throw at her.
I don't know where I went wrong in life but everything is falling apart now. I am so lost and so lonely all the time. I used not to mind spending some time by myself, loneliness was such an unknown concept for me. But now loneliness is all I feel, the one that is so constant that even when you are in a room full of people you still feel as if you are the only person in the entire world.
Everything is about to change though. I won't be alone anymore but I am scared. I am terrified of what else the future holds for me. About whether things will get better or if this will be my breaking point. I need help, I need support. And there's only one person I can think of that can give me that.
