Go Big or Go Home - 이희승/Enhypen

二 Pokemon

I had always feared that dreaded time after graduating, when you didn't know what to do with yourself, which job to take for the rest of your life and the constant pressure of time causing you to overthink each option and therefore finding flaws everywhere. And though I did deal with a ton of anxiety around my current position, the cameras, the spotlight, so many people stuck in a big cube, it was still my best bet at finding happiness.
I could dance like I always wanted to. I could sing and pursue fashion and all the things most teens loved. I had an actual chance at gaining what so many dreamed of. I wouldn't let it go to waste.

I congratulated Niki and Nicholas, as they sat close to me and I was genuinely glad I could share my surroundings with them for the next weeks in ILAND. But their attention laid with their teammate. I knew pity shone through my eyes and had to hold myself back from reaching out to place a comforting hand on their shoulders.

"I really liked your energy when you danced", I couldn't help but direct at Hanbin. It was a mere observation, but I still felt more genuine than a simple and general "you did great out there, keep your head up buddy".

It felt as if a light switch had turned off and the room became just a tad darker when his smiled had left his face. I almost felt a peng in my heart, as if it wanted to hurt along with him in solidarity.

He nodded at my words as if to acknowledge them, but he didn't meet my eyes. I almost felt relieved he didn't. If he had, I would likely have thrown all my inhibitions out of the window and hug him like I would have hugged my European friends back home.

The cultural difference was something I still had to get used to, but I knew the rules, since they were clearly laid out for me by the company, and I did not want to provide any chances for the editors to let out their frustrations of having to watch our faces for almost 24/7 now on me.

If I learned one thing as a Kpop fan, it was that the mercy of the editors made or broke your image in the public eye.
Taking another breath in to gather myself, I turned my attention back to the front. The show, or those parts of the recording that made it into it, had to go on after all.

The next to conquer the stage was the tall doe-eyed man in the blue oversized shirt. His name was Heeseung. He stood like a model, as one of the others had commented. And he looked like one too.

His expression was schooled and as the lights changed and the music started to play yet another NCT song, he looked like he belonged there. On a stage, dancing and singing.
As the song picked up speed his vocals left me stunned.

My eyebrows shot up on my forehead and my hand left hand went up to the tip of my nose, covering my slightly opened mouth before awkwardly forming a hesitant fist and backing back down to my side as if nothing happened.
So much for keeping composure.

His fierce expression was captivating. His dark brown hair swept in front of his eyes, but I still felt like he was staring right into my soul. Well, all of our souls as there was no way of determining where he was looking exactly.

We all clapped our hands loudly for him and he bowed. "Thank you!" his voice now sounding much deeper than during the song.

A glance around the room told me that almost all of us were thinking the same thing when the booming voice asked us to vote.
All hands shot up without hesitation, all except one boy's.

I didn't know what his deal was, but I also didn't question it at first as it could have been a strategic move to eliminate the biggest competition. But when I he said, "He really wasn't as good as I expected", it was my turn to throw side glances like that other rather sassy boy did during Seon's performance.

Like the others I held up my two thumbs and nodded in his direction, a smile gracing his face, perfectly straight white teeth shining back at all of us. His company must have already invested a lot into him for a trainee, which wasn't surprising at all considering his seemingly well-rounded talent, formed by extensive training, and an overall amazing first impression.