ONE CHAPTER DOZEN THOUGHTS

Old Friend

It's midnight and here I am, strolling around the park, just by myself.

I used to come here with someone, but right now, I'm just all alone.

I sat down on the grass and stared at the view in front of me, all empty.

Two people stood in front of me and my heart slowly clenched in pain.

In front of my eyes is a view that makes my eyes, mind, and heart hurt at the same time.

Chase.

I don't know how to properly explain who he is to me because we never had a relationship, all we had was a thing.

How did it end? I don't know, our conversations just started fading and the next thing I know, it stopped.

A girl is standing beside him and I can tell that she's beautiful even though her back is the one facing me.

I quickly stood up from the grass and when I am about to run away from my current spot, he called my name.

I turned around and asked, "Yes?"

He stared at my eyes, but I quickly looked away from him.

How do people react in this kind of situations? Like you don't know if you are going to be mad or if you are just going to act like nothing happened.

But the funny thing is I don't know if something even happened between us and I don't know if I have the right to even hold a grudge on him.

"How are you?" He asked and my heart just clenched in pain more.

How could he ask that when he know to his self that I'm not okay?

"I'm good." I lied with a tight smile.

My eyes flickered towards the girl's hands when she held his arms like I'm going to grab him away from her.

Soon enough, Chase noticed it and his eyes looked over to where I'm looking.

He faced me again and said, "By the way, this is Megan. My girlfriend."

That hurt me even more.

He has the guts to settle with her, but to me, he has none. He can only be with me when it's called, "just a thing".

"Nice to meet you." I greeted and she slowly looked at Chase in confusion.

"Who is she?" She asked curiously.

"Yeah, um, she's Mandy. My old friend." He introduced.

Megan slowly turned to me while frowning and asked, "An old friend?"

"I have to go Chase." I excused.

"Nice seeing you again, Mad." He said and I nodded then walked away.

He's the only one who calls me Mad..

I remember when he was thinking of a shortened name for me because my name is actually Amanda, and he said it was too long. I told him to just call me Mandy, but he said everybody calls me that. With that, he thought of Mad, because he said that it fits me because I'm always very moody.

But let's go back to the present time and stop reminiscing.

Of course I'm just an old friend.

But what hurt me the most is that he brings her here, where we shared most of our memories of being a "thing".

I walked inside my car and wondered.

It's fool of me for still hoping that he'll come back walking to me and asking me to settle with him as his girlfriend.

It's fool of me to hold tight on to the memories that he might have already burned and left in the past.

It's fool of me to think that we had at least something special.

I was so confident at those times when we were just a thing, settling down in a relationship hasn't crossed my mind.

But that's my mistake..

I shouldn't have been so carried away that I have forgotten the things or the outcomes of the so called thing.

I should've cleared up everything and asked him what we are at the time.

I should've asked him about us.

Because if he answer me that we're just friends, then I would act like we're just friends and I wouldn't treat him something more to a friend. I wouldn't expect that things would be stable, and that I wouldn't expect we're special.

I thought I was contended by us being a thing, but when we ended? I realized that I wanted us to be more than that.

Because if you're only a thing, you've to accept that you guys would end at some point or another. Why? Because, you're only a thing, that's it.

But you know to yourself that you couldn't handle that, right?

Especially when you're used to having him around? Used to calling him up whenever you want to? Used to seeing his good morning or good night texts? Used to hearing his pointless stories? When you're used to seeing him smile.

I was so carried away that I didn't see that we would end soon.

I looked over to my side and saw him laughing with his current girlfriend.

He's happy and I shouldn't ruin his own happiness, the least I could do is to be happy for him.

I turned towards the windshield and once again, wondered.

He's happy. I'm not.

I'm just letting my own happiness suffer for believing that my only happiness is when I'm with him.

But in reality, there are still many things that will make me happy other than being with him.

I'm locking my own self up into my own world, letting great opportunities pass just because he isn't with me..

I'm letting myself suffer while he's happy and enjoying his life.

I deserve happiness too, right?

But how could I find maybe another guy that will make me feel special and another guy that I will love so much when I'm making myself believe that he's the only and perfect guy for me?

I started my engine and drove away.

I wouldn't forget him, nor the memories we shared, even though he might already did, but I would also already let myself be happy.

I'm not saying that I've already moved on from our thing because it takes time, he just did it a little quicker than me, because who knows if he didn't really have a thing towards me then?

But in all honesty, I'm not also closing my doors from him, but I'm not also hoping anymore.

I slowly came to a stop in front of the house and a realization quickly came towards my mind again.

Now I know what I needed..

I needed to see him again and to hear the words that I really needed to hear so I'd come into deep realizations.