Rant #1

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Do you ever look at the mirror and see your reflection and think you've failed yourself? You have failed to be yourself to keep others happy? You've lost yourself somewhere along the way? BECAUSE I DO. Losing something or someone close to heart hurts, but losing yourself is worse. That shit hurts even more.

Do you ever look into the mirror and search yourself because you feel like the reflection on the mirror is not you anymore --- it's a hollow, soulless body where yourself has left? Do you ever feel like living dead because you don't have yourself? Do you ever feel like a failure even though it seems that you're doing good? BECAUSE I DO.

Do you ever sleep till midday and still feel tired because of all that you've been thinking, because you're tired of living? BECAUSE I DO.

Do you ever just sit and cry your heart out for no particular reason but all the pain that you've been bottling up within yourself for years? BECAUSE I DO.

Do you ever want to scratch up up everything and restart everything? BECAUSE I DO.

I LOOK AT MY SCARS, ALL THE TIME I HAVE CUT. THE RED AND PINK LINES ON MY THIGHS. I FEEL LIKE I DESERVE THEM FOR FAILING TO MYSELF. I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS. I HATE EVERYTHING.

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