The Mental Embrace

Chapter one

When I was ten, I killed my mother. She was scolding me , screaming at me for not doing my homework. She would scream everyday like that. For skipping school , for getting detention , for not doing my homework. I knew she was conspiring against me , she was talking with the devil , and the devil wanted her to kill me. I knew it. So I picked up the knife , and the next thing I knew there was blood in my hands , and it spurred from her heart.
That was the first time I saw my father cry. And the last time I saw him. Today is my twenty second birthday , and I am getting released from the mental hospital. I have acute paranoia. HAD. I had acute paranoia , that's the thing about chronic diseases, even when you're cured , they seem to remain a part of you. The part you hate and despise, but still a part. They said I'll have some anxiety at first , but soon I'll gel in with everybody . And maybe set my diseased part free.
"Samantha, My darling". My father had come to pick me up. I couldn't bear it when he called me darling , after all my sins were hardly worthy of the title. "Let's go home, dear". Again, I wanted to punch him in the face.
The car drive was quick and short, and neither of us talked. When we reached home, he showed me to my room , and I spent my rest of the day there, not talking to anybody, not doing anything. When dusk came, so came the call for dinner.
"Samantha , darling, this is my lovely wife , Audrere and our son and your half-brother Mike". He told me two years ago that he was getting remarried. It took him ten years to move on from my mother. I was allowed to go to the wedding, with a doctor and handcuffs. I refused. Everybody laugh at the circus freak. I didn't want that to be my story. But deep down I knew they were already laughing.
What I didn't know for long was that he had knocked up the whore long before their marriage , and the wretched beast was already four when they got married. He is six now , and staring at me , smiling at me. At me. Of course that small thing doesn't know what I have been through , to mock me like this.
I ate my dinner quietly , but finally his furtive glances were enough. "What are you staring at!"I glared at him. He quickly shifted his glance to his plate, focusing only on the veggies before him, teary eyed. "Samantha, behave!" Came my father's quick response. "He thinks I am some kind of freak! He keeps staring at me!". "He is smiling at you, he is only trying to be friendly!" The toddler started crying now, and the whore pulled him closer to her. Seeing that , my heart ached. "I'll be in my room". "Samantha, Samantha, wait. Finish your dinner. Get right back here Samantha , now!". But I had already stormed off. "I'm sorry Audrere. Mike don't cry, she loves you, you'll see". The pathetic apologies! I slammed my door shut.
I was sitting on my bed. Just sitting. When my father came. "I'll not apologise to him, Dad". "Don't . You don't need to. See the good part of being siblings is that they forgive each other's mistakes". He kneeled in front of me. "I am sorry Dad". "Don't be". "No, not for this, for killing Mom. If I hadn't done that years ago, today you wouldn't have to put up with this whor..woman". "Hey". He spoke softly. "I love Audrere very much, just like I loved your Mom. Just like I love you.". "Just like you love Mike?". "Yes , and just like Mike and Audrere love you". "They don't even know me". "They don't need to. You are family. And families love unconditionally". Tears springed down my cheeks. My dad hugged me. After that, That evening , after twelve long years , I had a fulfilling conversation. A conversation with my dad without my past coming back to haunt me.
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"Samantha, sweety , how would you like your eggs". Audrere beckoned me from downstairs. "Scrambled". I shouted. "Samantha , come down honey, have breakfast with us". My dad beckoned. I came down and sat at the table. My dad smiled at me. "Attagirl". I smiled back. Someone at the hospital once told me that smiling was a sign of happiness. If only for a fraction, what I felt was happiness , I know why people prefer it to being sad. Something which is as ingrained in my life as the morning sun. "Swamantha , I make dis for eww". Mike held up a jute bracelet decorated with beads. "Thank you Mike, it's lovely". I hugged him close , like I had seen enough times on T.V . After breakfast, Dad went to work and Audrere went to take a shower. Mike sat at the table, waiting patiently for his Mum to dress and take him to school. "Which grade do you study in ,Swamantha?". "It's Samantha, not Swamantha , and I had to leave my studies". "Why?" "I had to be taken somewhere else, a place where they don't make you study". "Was it fun?" "No". "Then why did you go?". "I had no choice". "Is that why you talk less?". "Yes". "Okay". What does this kid want? Asking me about the hospital? Can't he understand how much I hate to talk about that place? Or is he scratching my wounds on purpose? Was he trying to make fun of me? Highlight my weaknesses by making me say them out loud? My scalp prickeled. "Samantha, my mom is in the shower". "I know that". "Where is your mom?". That was it. I picked up the knife. "Let me take you to her".

End of teaser chapter.
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