Exemplum (UNDER REVISION)

conundrum

I was doing number two while browsing my phone. Nakita kong may bagong story si Anton kaya naman pinindot ko ito.

Anton uploaded a mirror photo of them in the gym. Hindi na 'ko nagulat nang makita si Thirdy ro'n. Mas nagulat at namangha ako sa pagkakatono ng katawan niya. Malaki-laki na rin ang biceps niya.

Hot tignan.

Napailing ako sa naisip bago pinatay ang telepono ko at naghugas na bago ko pa tuluyang mapagpantasyahan ang Instagram story ni Anton.

Sa dalawang linggo'ng nakalipas, puro si Thirdy lamang ang bukang-bibig ng mga kaibigan ko. Minsan ay sumasakit na ang ulo ko dahil umaabot na sa punto na napapaginipan ko na siya.

"Beh," I didn't respond to Jhoana. I stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. Besides, I'm enjoying my Popeyes.

"What if.. gusto ko si Thirdy?" Natigilan ako bago dahan-dahang tumingin sakanya. She's sitted in front of me. She pursed her lips, waiting for me to answer.

"Okay lang. Understandable naman kasi galing ka sa break up. Confused ka lang," saad ko bago muling sumubo ng manok.

"Gaga! E, ex mo 'yon!" Napatango-tango ako.

"Confused ka lang, Jho." Susubo na sana ako ulit nang may maisip na idadagdag sa sinabi ko.

"But if by chance, you fall for him, it's totally.. okay. Pag sinabi ko bang hindi, mapipigilan mo ba?" Umiling siya. Napangiti ako.

"Don't hold it back. Let it go,"

Nang sandaling 'yon ay nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa puso ko ngunit hindi ko nalang pinansin dahil hindi ko naman alam kung bakit ako nasaktan.

"Deanns," I approached Deanna. Hindi na maganda ang pakiramdam ko dahil halos gabi-gabi ko nang napapaginipan si Thirdy.

Meron pa ngang nagkabalikan raw kami at nagla-labing-labing sa night swimming party ng batch namin. Sinisi ko nalamg sa isip ko sila Maddie dahil kung hindi si Thirdy ang bukangbibig nila ay hindi ko siya mapapaginipan.

"Nako-confuse ako.." Nilabas ko sakanya ang kinikimkim ko. Pakiramdam ko ay kung hindi ko ilalabas kay Deanna ay mababaliw ako.

"Ate Bei, okay lang 'yan. Baka kasi wala kayong closure nung High School kaya ganyan ka," hindi ako nagprotesta dahil may punto naman siya.

"At huwag kang mag-backread." Hinablot niya ang cellphone ko. "Sisikmurain ka lang sa ginagawa mo dahil una, siguro jejemon kayo nung High school. Pangalawa, mas lalo kang mako-confuse niyan," when she returned my phone to me, our conversation was already gone. I sighed.

We went to a near by coffee shop to get some air. She also informed Maddie and the others na rito kami nakatambay para makasunod sila.

I was waiting for Deanna to come back from the cashier but the entrance behind me opened. It was Anton, Isaac, Maddie, Jho, ate Ly and my teenage mistake— Thirdy.

Good thing Deanna arrived before they could even greet me. Nanatili lang akong tahimik sa gilid at nagba-browse sa cellphone ko.

"Grabe nga. Sa panahon ngayon, marami nang nangiiwan without proper explanation. Minsan ghosting, minsan, wala.. Ayaw nalang nila," Maddie shrugged.

They were talking about the videos they watched on their TikTok FYP.

"E, hindi naman talaga araw-araw mahal mo 'yong tao," I heard Thirdy.

"I think, it's not also tama to just dump someone just because 'hindi mo na mahal', 'di ba?" I decided to butt in. Their eyes all went to me, shocked.

"E, paano kung nahihiya naman 'yong tao magpaalam?" Anton asked.

"Three words,"

"I bet they won't be helpful.." Maddie warned.

"Not. My. Problem," nakangiti kong saad habang nakatitig kay Thirdy.

"Tama nga naman. Hindi mo naman pwedeng iwan bigla 'yong tao nang walang paalam dahil lang nag-sawa ka. Isipin mo, ilang taon niyang pwedeng dalhin 'yon. Ilang taon niyang pagdududahan sarili niya dahil iniwan mo siya nang walang pasabi," Deanna was looking intently at Thirdy.

I felt a tension building up between all of us. Tumahimik na 'ko because I didn't want to make Thirdy feel that he's not welcome here. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

"O, palamig muna. Nakakapaso mga ulo niyo, ang iinit." Ate Ly broke the silence by distributing our snacks and drinks.

"Dami na talagang ghoster nowadays," Isaac said before taking a sip from his iced coffee.

"Ano ka ba? Mas maraming umaalis nang walang dahilan ngayon," Anton fired back.

Suddenly, Thirdy stood up with his backpack.

"Excuse me," He started walking away.

I scoffed in disbelief.

"'Yan, diyan ka magaling. Ang umalis nang nagpapaalam pero walang dahilan," napatigil ito nang madinig ako, magkasalubong ang kilay.

"Excuse me?"

"Go ahead. Leave. Diyan ka naman magaling," I walked out.

From then on, I never heard a word from him. Nang makagraduate kami, doon ko na lamang siya nakita ngunit hindi ko siya pinansin. Nilagpasan ko lamang siya nang makasalubong siya.

After college, I pursued my sport abroad. Noon ko na lamang na-realize na tama si Deanna. Mahal ko pa nga siya. Pero minsan, hindi na sapat ang pagmamahal para manatili. Isa pa, hindi niya rin ako ilalaban. Mas okay na 'yong ganito. Mula sa malayo, nakikita ko siya.

"Congratulations, Isabel." I was stunned to see him. I stared at him blankly. Iniisip ko kung dapat ko ba siyang batiin, o deadmahin.

I just smiled at him. Ayaw ko siyang kausapin. Ayaw ko na siya sa buhay ko.

"Babe!"

He was about to continue talking when somebody called me. Parehas kaming napalingon sa likod niya. The man walked towards me and kissed my cheek. He handed me his flowers as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Thank you," I whispered. He slightly tapped my back.

"Let's go, love?" I smiled before giving him my things.

"O, pare. Andito ka pala?" He greeted Thirdy when he saw him. I saw a glimpse of sadness, pain and shock in his eyes. It immediately went away when he greeted the man holding my waist.

"Long time no see, Anton."

***

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