Copper Ridge [h.s]

the raven

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted – nevermore!

The raven - Edgar Allan Poe

***

The cascade mountains. They are known for its tall volcanoes and beautiful nature. A good place for the adventurous one. A place that offers endless possibilities. When I was younger, I saw myself as an adventurous person. However, growing up I soon learnt that with age comes responsibilities. Maybe I had too many of those. It clouded that side of me and eventually disappeared completely. I felt content in my bubble, working my 9-5 job, going to my Thursday yoga classes, and having Sunday brunch with my friends. If the younger version of myself knew that I had not been exploring every corner of this world, she would be pissed.

It was on a rainy Sunday afternoon in October that I let younger Ana back into my life again. Me and Adam had never done anything like that before. Some would maybe call it stupidity for us to go considering our lack of experience, but we needed some time off. It was not something fancy like going to another country, but I felt a childlike excitement over it either way.

We traveled up state route 20 in my mom's old 03' Jeep Cherokee. The rain made it hard to see the road properly and the wiper blades were working on overdrive trying to keep the windshield free from water. I had some concerns that the old car would break down on the way there. Looking back at it now, I wish it would have.

But it did not. There is no point in dwelling over it now, there is no point in anything. What happened has happened, and now I get to live with that. Yes, I might still be here, but at what cost? All I have ever known has been taken from me. Is that something to be grateful for?

He might have been right after all, maybe there is beauty in death. Maybe it is a gift.

Arrival Day

"Should we go over the plan one more time?"

"Ana, we've done it like twenty times now, is it really necessary to do it again?"

"Well since you came up with the idea of a phone free vacation and all we have is this –." I paus my sentence, holding up the single paper on which I had written down our hiking route on, to emphasize my point. "- Paper that could easily get wet or lost I would say yes, we do."

Mine and Adams relationship has not been the best lately to be completely honest. We both work long shifts and barely have any time to ourselves. It has slowly been tearing us apart. We basically meet each other at the door; when one of us comes home, the other goes to work. The rare moments we spend together is mostly spent fighting. The same thing has been going on for months now, and it is exhausting for both of us.

I know I love Adam, and I know he loves me but sometimes I cannot help but wonder if it is worth it after all. These thoughts have been on my mind for a while now, but do I really break a relationship of two years just because it is messy right now?

It was Adam that came up with the idea of leaving our phones behind during this trip. His argument was that we needed to have no distractions, that we should just enjoy the nature and our time spent together without having to worry about the rest of the world. He had a good point and after some persuading from his part, I agreed. Knowing myself, I would probably check my work email every hour to make sure I do not miss anything important, and knowing Adam, it would only make him upset.

"Alright, good point, go over it."

"We'll arrive at Marblemount ranger station in about two hours, right?" He answered with a nod.