Beyond Imagination

S

2 August 2017

"Papa?" a sleepy, slurred voice came out from their shared bedroom, but it didn't reach Hansung's ears. He was busy in his own world, staring soullessly at the TV in front of him. 

The same TV that he had spent so many months staring at soullessly the previous year.

"Papa?! You're drinking again?!" the voice wasn't so sleepy and slurred anymore. 

Hansung didn't pay attention to the voice. He just brought the bottle in his hand up to his lips and took another long swing from it, his eyes never leaving the TV as he did so. As if the events from his past were playing on the screen in the form of a video and he couldn't take his eyes off it. 

If truth be told, he really was looking at the events as if they were being played in the form of a video. Just, the screen was in his mind instead of the TV in front of him. 

He could clearly see himself sobbing as his husband whipped him with his belt. He could still feel the phantom touches of the belt on his back. He could still feel the pangs of the phantom pain each hit caused. And he couldn't take his eyes off it. 

He felt the bottle in his hand being snatched away forcefully and the action brought little sense back into him. He frowned at the boy in front of him and reached out for the bottle again, frowning harder when the boy swung the bottle out of his reach. 

"This is the fourth bottle already?! What the hell, papa?! It's two right now!! You're supposed to be sleeping!! Not drinking!! You of all people should know how bad drinking is and I can't believe you keep doing it every other day!!"

None of the words made sense to Hansung. He was already beyond all comprehension. He reached out for the bottle again, flinching hard when he heard the loud crash of the bottle being thrown to the floor in a fit of rage. 

'Shut up, Junha!! How dare you?! It's my body, my money, my wish, I'll do whatever I want with it!! Who the fuck are you to stop me?!' 

His mouth kept moving and he was too drunk to remember that he was mute and that no sound would escape his throat. 

It turned out to be a boon because Junha didn't have to hear all the hurtful words that Hansung had wanted to say. He only understood that Hansung was mad at him for breaking the bottle. Nothing else. 

He slowly and carefully made his way around the broken pieces of glass and climbed up the couch. He held Hansung's hands down forcefully and after the man stopped struggling, he threw his arms around him, holding him tight. He cringed at the stench of alcohol coming from Hansung, but he knew of nothing else that he could do to stop his father at the moment. 

"Please, papa. Appa was bad enough. I know you are suffering because of him but please don't become like him," he cried. 

Hansung didn't react to his words. He zoned out at a spot on the floor, flinching occasionally at whatever was going on in his mind. 

"Papa?" Junha called out, pulling slightly away from Hansung and studying his features carefully. He had stopped his father from drinking at midnight more times than he could count, but he had never seen this happen before. 

"Papa!!" he held Hansung by his shoulders and shook him slightly when he flinched again, slightly harder this time. The flinching was starting to scare him. What exactly was happening inside his mind?!

Hansung suddenly jumped away from his arms and scrambled backwards until his back hit one of the sides of the couch. And then he let out a soundless gasp that sounded more like a sharp intake of breath through the mouth than anything else, and then threw his arms around himself with a pained expression.