I've Found What I'm Looking For

Chapter 1

"Yes! The total star!" Gunter suddenly said rushing over to the three and smiling widely at the porcupine as well, "The star that leads the space explorer home!"

"Home... hmm..." Calloway said quietly to himself but could be heard just loud enough for the others. He looked down at Ash and she had a soft grin on her mouth now, "Star, though?" He continued, and smiled back at her as he added, his voice so rusty and deep, "We'll see about that though."

She only giggled to herself and the whole group suddenly turned around when Buster Moon's clapping echoed throughout the room. Everyone looked at him and he gave a big boisterous beam as he jogged over to the cast and his dear friends.

"Alright everyone, next show is in a week. You did WONDERFULLY tonight! The reviews are amazing and this place has seen a rise in attendance and profits nearly tripled what they used to be!"

"Alright!" Gunter cooed, giving an excited thumbs up.

"That is just wonderful," Rosita said, and she was holding one of her piglets as the party of kids were eating cake and making a mess, their father keeping an eye on them for his wife.

"Yes! So after the next show, we go on break for two months for the Christmas holidays."

"Great!" Johnny cheered and gave Nooshy a high five. She was grinning with happiness too, everyone was.

Everyone, that is... except Calloway.

"Christmas...?" He muttered, his heart hurting when he realized that moment he would be in his quiet desolate home... alone.

"Yeah, Christmas, Clay," Ash said to him with a soft nudge and smile, "It's the best time of the year."

"My worse time," He remarked quietly to himself and sipped his tea that he was holding in a mug with one of his paws.

"I hate Christmas..." He whispered to himself and stepped out of the room then, going onto the balcony and looking at the sky full of amazing stars, "I hate it..."

He sighed heavily as memories went through his mind's eye... memories of the lioness he had loved. They never had any children... he was all that was left of his family.

He really was.

And he was too proud to ask anyone if he could share Christmas with them.

He was also... too scared.

"Clay..."

He tensed up slightly the second he heard her voice and he straightened up his posture just the littlest as Ash approached him.

"I know how hard this time of year will be to you."

He remained quiet, only giving the smallest of a grunt and he muttered coldly, looking up at the cool blue night.

"You don't really know me."

Ash's mouth dropped open just the slightest when he said those words.

"Yes, I do." She replied back and came nearer to him, resting her own hands on the balcony wall.

"No." He repeated back, not wanting to look her in the eyes but he forced himself to, "You don't. You're still just a child, Ash."

"I'm eighteen now. I'm NOT."

"You are, to me." Calloway went on and she only growled herself then.

But she wasn't going to give up. She wasn't going to be deterred.

"I know you have no family left," She continued, trying to calm herself and understand his pain, "But... maybe, we can be that for you now... maybe I could-"

"I DON'T need YOUR PITY."

Ash halted right then and there when her hero said this and she looked at him, asserting herself as she said.

"It's not pity. We love you, Cal... I love-" She stopped herself right in her tracks. She had nearly said the thing that could destroy everything.

She didn't want him to go and be alone... she wanted him to be happy.

Why was it so hard to be happy in this world?

"You love your hero." Calloway finally said for her, tipping his mug over and tea drained from it to the ground below, "But I ain't him anymore... I'm just a lion... an old old lion."

Ash wanted to say, but you are MY old lion, but she didn't. She only touched his upper arm gently, giving a sad comforting squeeze before letting go of him and walking back to the others inside.

He watched her go, his eyes shining with tears.

He watched her go.

And soon they were back on stage, singing the final words to one another yet again.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

When the last show for the year was over, he found himself driving on his motorcycle back to his house in the deeply hidden country.

By himself. Alone.

He was alone... always alone.

Sitting there on his armchair with a mug of tea in his hand. It was so silent there... so very alone and isolating.

You'd swear it was any other time in the year than Christmas.

But as he sat there, listening to nothing but silence he heard a voice start to sing out to him.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

He tensed a little, his ears flicking at the sound of that familiar voice and he slowly stood up. He wanted to scare away any Christmas Carollers that had somehow managed to find his abode. His home.

He walked in heavy angry steps to his door and saw her there, wearing a red Santa's hat and carrying a box full of wrapped presents.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, just lost and so completely confused.

Ash smiled warmly at him and made her way inside.

"No one should be alone for Christmas..."

"But I-?"

"No one." Is what she finished with and went into the kitchen to make more cups of tea.

Calloway just watched her go to work and looked at the box she had left on the coffee table.

Presents with his name on it. Presents from his cast members and workers.

Presents... for him.

He slowly looked his eyes back up at Ash in the distance as she hummed away while she worked.

"I have found what I've been looking for..." He whispered to himself, a small smile going up one side of his lips, but it was such a scary feeling inside. The invulnerability he felt, "And I'm scared, Ruby, that I'll lose it again..."

"I'm so scared."