𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕔𝕦𝕓𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕠𝕠 ; (ℂ𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕖𝕚 𝕩 𝕆ℂ🐺🦁)

𝟜 - 𝔸 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕪 𝕘𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕖𝕟

𝔸𝕤 Hand of the King, my father was occupied for most of the day, and I was left to my own devices in this foreign city I didn't know. Mostly, I just strolled through the gardens, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin and the cool breezes coming from the sea. Cersei had kept her word and had had several dresses delivered to my chambers, cut from dyed linen and silk in all the colors of summer. Sometimes, she would ask to accompany me on my walks, and I didn't dare to refuse her. It had been nearly two months, and my resentment for what she did to Lady had ceased. I wouldn't forget it, but I understood that there were more important things in the world. And another thing that appeased me was Rhaenys: when my mother had come to visit Father in secret, why I did not know, my direwolf had been intent on following her and would not be deterred, no matter what Mother tried. "She wants to be with you", she had said. I had been concerned for Rhaenys's safety, but to my surprise, Cersei had not protested much. "As long as she stays in your chambers when you're not with her", she had sighed and even gone as far as to scratch her behind the ears. The feelings that had troubled me before did not leave. As much time as I spent with the queen, I still lost hold of my thoughts when I was around her. And when she took my arm while we roamed the gardens, it still felt like that first touch in the wheelhouse, lingering and sweet. But why? The question remained, haunted me, try as I might to push it away. I was overwhelmed with the lack of explanation I had for the sensations that controlled me.

"Is walking all you do in your free time?", Cersei asked me one day. I denied. "No. There is one thing... I wanted to ask, is there a library here I might use?" "Yes, I can take you to it. Do you like to read?" "I suppose. But that's not the reason I asked. When we were seven, our father made each of us choose one skill we wished to learn: it could be anything, a language, an art, a battle skill, anything at all. We only had to promise that we would keep at it for all our lives, I suppose it was meant as a lesson about perseverance and the use of having one greatly cultivated asset amongst all the mediocre ones, but whatever his intention was, I took great pleasure in the subject of my choice." "What did you pick, then?" "I started practicing Valyrian. Not of too much use here in the Seven Kingdoms, to be honest, but if I ever travel beyond, I know I would get by much better than many a knight." "That sounds interesting. I do like languages, they can be so important in the arts of politics, but I never learned any Valyrian. Perhaps you could teach me some of what you know?" "It would be my honor, Your Grace." I picked up some books at the library that day and sat out in the garden to study the next. Cersei approached me, sitting down at the table. "Kēlio", she read. "What does it mean?" I chuckled. "You chose a fitting word. Kēlio means lion." "And how do you say wolf in Valyrian?" "Zokla", I replied. She smiled. "That sounds funny." "Kēlio zoklā qurdot dēmis", I said, giving her a challenging look. "Lion, wolf... what is qurdot?" I knocked on the wood beneath my hands to give her a hint. "Table?" She returned my smile when I nodded. "Lion, wolf, table..." She bit her lip in concentration, not wanting to ask again. Then her face lightened. "Ah! The lion and the wolf are sitting at the table. Is that correct?" I grinned and nodded again. "This is fun! I would love for you to teach me more." "Of course. Let's start with the basics. Hello is rytsas, and goodbye is geros ilas. If you want to thank someone, you say kirimvose..." The afternoon flew by, and when the sun was setting, I gathered up my books and papers. "Zoklītsos dārie vaoresa", she repeated the sentence I had just told her while we returned to the Red Keep. "No, I don't know what that means. Will you tell me?" "Not yet", I smiled to myself. "You'll know, eventually." And she would. Because I could say it for certain now, though there was so little I was certain of these days. The little wolf likes the queen. It was true, I felt it. Maybe I should stop searching for a reason, and just make the best of my time here while I could. I didn't have to understand the all-defying affection I had for her. Why shouldn't I enjoy it anyways? I went to sleep that night light-hearted and dreamed of lessons with Cersei.

We made the practice a habit, and both of us enjoyed it greatly. One day, weeks later, Cersei proudly announced: "I know what you said now!" "What?", I asked, confused. "The day you started teaching me, you said zoklītsos dārie vaoresa, and I finally understand it." "You remember that?", I smiled. "Alright, tell me, then." But Cersei didn't translate, she answered. "Se avy vaoresan." And I like you. My sentence had been more a note to myself than anything, but hers sounded like a heartfelt declaration. "Come dine with me tonight", she suddenly said. I was surprised. My sister Sansa had been invited for supper several times because of her betrothal to Joffrey, but how did I tie into the queen's familiar relations? Perhaps my gut had been right for once and her like of me was genuine, although I slowly grew tired of trusting in others' goodness again and again only to have that naive trust destroyed every time. With Cersei, it was a constant back and forth: one moment she truly made you believe she valued and appreciated you, and the next she'd make you doubt whether she was even capable of those things. But what else could I do than try over and over? I could not stay away out of fear I'd miss the chance of genuine care. So I accepted, and put on a particularly pretty mint green gown that night to sup with the queen. Cersei had done well with the table, naturally, it was more luxurious food than what I usually got. We feasted on roasted venison and duck, rye bread and cheese and various fruits. For dessert, Cersei had arranged for pomegranate cakes. Was that coincidence or intentional? I had never been much of a drinker at Winterfell, but I had to admit the Arbor gold the queen had provided was exquisite, and I drank more cups than I normally would have. Cersei seemed several times to open her mouth to speak, but was then left by her courage. I leaned forward. "What is it?" "I... I don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't include the risk of you misunderstanding me and of my head ending up on a spike, so I would like you to hear me out before making your judgment of my words." I nodded, puzzled at what might be nagging at her like that. "When I told you you'd go with your father to King's Landing, I said that I'd convinced Robert to have Sansa marry Joffrey instead of you because of your age. That wasn't true. I... I didn't want you to marry him for another reason." Was this the part where she would tell me that she actually hated me and would destroy my faith in her once again? "I wanted to save you for someone else." My head was reeling from the wine, and it took me a moment longer to understand what she said. "So you have some other marriage arranged for me? Does my father know?" "No, and no. Please", she took my hands from across the table, "your father can never know we had this conversation. Can you promise me that?" I nodded, and she let go of my hands. "No, it's not a wedding proposal I have in mind for you." "But- you just said you were saving me for someone else." She sighed. "This is all I can say safely. If you don't get it by now, I don't know what else to do. I have been trying for over two months to tell you this in different ways, but you appear determined to remain blind to it. Just think on what I said, and maybe, eventually, you'll see." I nodded slowly, confused and dazed, and thanked her for the dinner. She only smiled sadly, defeated, which left me even more confused; and drunk on wine and Cersei, I left her chambers to return to my own and sleep out the jag, sinking immediately into a deep, dreamless slumber. When I awoke in the morning with a clearer head, her words sank in and it hit me.