I'm fine! - Hanahaki Au - Soukoku

Chapter 6 - A need for understanding

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After realising they had just communicated and were willing to just listen to each other and find a middle ground Dazai immediately cringed.
I think i would rather die thanks
Even though that conclusion was little extreme, making himself vulnerable around his sworn enemy was the last thing he wanted to do.

That meant he would have to be serious and understanding. He mentally couldn't go through that.

Being a clown and joking around was one of Dazai's few effective defenses. Being present in the room was something that Dazai couldn't handle. It meant what he was experiencing was real and not just a joke. He would have to accept the fact that his actions had severe consequences and impacted the people around him.
The brunet couldn't deal with such a harsh reality.
As he wandered around his apartment coughing continuously as he chucked the keys on a random table and chucked his coat on a random rack he began to feel another fit coming on. His body suddenly felt tense and he knew he just needed to get to his sofa go sit down and once again slash his throat.

Of course after the lung crushing fit and the regaining of his strength he had to look at the aftermath. During one, his vision blurred from the sheer force of his body rejecting the disease.

No.

No no no.

This soon??

The brunet shakily stretched his hand to the mess infront of him and held up a fully bloomed red chrysanthemum. Fortunately, the rest were just red and yellow petals but, to hold a fully bloomed chrysanthemum in his hand was probably one of the most terrifying things Osamu Dazai has ever experienced.

I don't have much time.

As he began hacking up more some of natures most beautiful, heart aching flowers all he could think about was the burning question
What should I do now?

Coming down from a major fit like that wasn't easy. His breathing was shaky and weasy and his voice was crackly. Trying to speak felt as if you were being stabbed which he probably was actually in his oesophagus.

He knew how to attempt to fix this extreme dilemma but that requires top much emotional strain. He probably only had a few weeks left to live being as he was transitioning into one of the final stages of the disease. He was not looking forward to the vomiting.
Such a frickin painful way to die Chuuya, how could you
The bandaged man couldn't help but believe he deserved it. Dazai hurts everyone he meets. He taints them with his overwhelming darkness and black blood. That's probably why Kunikida cries every night worrying if his collegue is okay because of his stupid antics.

Having not eaten or drank in several days, his throat felt ten times worse, but drinking a substance no matter what it was, felt like shards of glass relentlessly scraping down his throat.

Osamu honestly wondered how he hadn't died from internal bleeding. With a plant physically growing inside of him, he doesn't like how it takes so long for lungs to collapse and suffocate you. You can feel the entire process and your body literally getting weaker. You can't eat or drink without feeling like it's torture, you can't dodge many attacks because any movement downwards or to the sides cause your body to have to move and you don't have the same flexibility and what's the worst thing of all is the fact that it's a punishment for feeling emotions.

Why does such a disease exist?

Dazai slowly rose from his laying position, breath hitching as he does so.
He knows he's dropped a lot of weight and he knows he hasn't been sleeping.

Half of him wants Chuuya to help him with this issue, the other half knows Chuuya wouldn't even look his way. He's messed him around too much in life. To be honest, if the ginger wasn't so loyal to Mori and the mafia, Dazai wouldn't be surprised if Chuuya never want to see or even look at the brunet ever again.
Defeated, Osamu flopped on the floor, curled up in a ball, infront of the sofa.