QUEEN [EXPLICIT;QUEER;UNORTHODOX]

Chapter [1]

I reflect most when I'm driving or when it's late.

Lately, I have been thinking about all the heartache I have caused...

There is resentment here because I am noticing it now vs when it was occurring.

[This situation displays former challenges with unhealthy detachment, dissociation when I have deep emotions, and previous triggers with my sexuality.]

Due to therapy I have accepted my sexuality as it is. 

I have accepted myself as QUEER for an ongoing two years now. I am attracted to ALL gender identities excluding men. [Yup. I have a WHOLE biological child, and I don't even really dick like that. ]

I have never been one size fits one or even all.

Onto 

The Story;

To start this off I was heavily involved with a man.

Looking back at all of the "hetero" relationships I had been in I was not happy. There were moments I smiled, and some memories I wouldn't trade, but men weren't my truth.

This woman was my absolute dreidel. Our idealism, and mannerisms were so opposite, but put us together in a room and we were like two toddlers. It took time to get there, but once it got there, there was no turning back.

I got my first taste of "genuine feelings" at 23ish. Not to dismiss any relationships or significant others prior to this, but for me this was my target moment.

Several of us decided to go to a carnival. It was cheap,It was close, and it was a break from reality.

Five rides later there was one in particular that as it spun would slam you into the wall behind it. Your seat would then slide to the roof.

"I wanna wait on Tai. Y'all go." She told our group

I laughed. "You're just gonna make me get on this? You didn't even ask."

She smiled and giggled. "You always tell me you're up for anything -- didn't think I needed to."

She was correct. I absolutely loved having fun,and still do to this day.

Outside looking in the ride seemed to go pretty quickly.

Our group of friends came out laughing. There were six of us in total. Everybody was scattered all over the place originally, but we had caught up with each other.

All of a sudden she grabbed my hand dragging me into the ride. We both leaned back onto the wall as the ride operator instructed.

Round and round the ride went, everybody started to scream and howl. I just laughed. It felt good.

All of sudden she grabbed my hand tight. We had held hands before -- it was just something we did.

She was always grabbing me, but it felt different at this particular time. I suddenly looked over at her and her eyes bore into mine as our seats slid up to the top.

I wanted to laugh, but something about her gaze held me captive. I was mesmerized to say the least.

To say I liked her was an understatement. I would never tell her though. Our friendship was very tight. A bond I hadn't experienced with anybody.