The Devil's Love

Chapter Eight

You don't get over something like this in a matter of days and not at all if you're not letting yourself feel the full extent of your trauma in the first place, or not seeking the comfort that you need from the people that care.

It took her an annoyingly long time to realise that she couldn't bottle it up or make it vanish. She needed help, she needed comfort, from her family, her boys and her husband, maybe even from someone who really could help her through this the right way. She just needed to take the first step.

"I need help." Shehnaaz confessed in a small, almost intelligible voice. "I need help.. Sidharth. Mujhse.. akele nahi hoga yeh.."

Sidharth's heart broke, hearing the note of helplessness in his wife's voice but he smiled at her affectionately, his eyes lighting up with hope. "Whatever you need, my queen."

His hopeful agreement made her want to smile.

"I am thinking of seeking professional help. Mai iss sab ke baare mein zyada nahi jaanti hoon. I try- very hard and I trust you and the boys. Tum log meri family ho par mai tumse baat nahi kar pa rahi hoon. Mene bahut koshish ki, sacchi par jab bhi mein kuch bolne jaati hoon.. jaise baatein halak mein atak jaati hain. Mujhe kucch samajh nahi aa raha hai.." She looked so unsure, so small sitting across from Sidharth that he itched to gather her in his arms, hiding his angel from the world.

He didn't though and as hard as it was, he knew it was not the right thing to do at that moment. There will be time for that later. Right now, she needs something else.

"It's okay." He said comfortingly. "I understand."

"You do?" Shehnaaz asked, surprised.

"I probably can't help you the way you need to be helped. It's way too personal for me and even for the boys. They respect you, they care for you almost as much as I do. You do need someone who can help you out without letting their biases or emotions get in the way too much." Sidharth said softly. "I know you trust us, but sometimes you just need a stranger to show you the right way aur usme kuch galat nahi hai."

"Promise?" She asked, innocently. Sidharth nodded. "Of course."

Therapy sessions started pretty soon after and from then, it was one small step at a time for both Sidharth and Shehnaaz. Therapy was not magic, it was a science, a line of treatment that needed patience and commitment, efforts on both sides. To put it in simpler terms, therapy was like a relationship, it could only succeed if the parties involved wanted it to.

Mental health is not as simple as it sounds and signing up for something like therapy was for the long run. They knew they couldn't rush anything, that was not how it would work.

Shehnaaz became comfortable with her therapist quickly. Every session that felt like a war at first, began to feel like a safe place, where Shehnaaz could pour her heart out. Week after week, Sidharth celebrated her smallest victories with her, every smile, every moment of peace, every night that she spoke her heart out to him felt like a reward for both of their patience.

There were still bad days. Days when she refused to leave her room, when even her confidante, her therapist, Sri couldn't get a word out of her. There were days when walking into her office was a task in itself but Shehnaaz had made a promise and she was not one to break her word. Good things rarely came at the end of the easy paths.

Sidharth learned how to handle her on the bad days quickly, her silence or her anger, her exasperation or her helplessness.

It was one of the bad days, or more accurately a sleepless night when Shehnaaz got out of bed and knocked on her husband's door at three in the morning. Sidharth walked out, eyes full of sleep and face contorted into a frown. "What's wrong, love?"