Tommyinnits Unbeatable Method Of Avoiding Sudden Death

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She must think this is his first rodeo.

Tommy snorts, "Yeah okay, sure. What chocolate bar you getting?"

She pauses, "...Snickers."

Tommy almost vomits right then and there.

Heathen.

He gags, "Oh god, you're a criminal criminal."

"What? I?-"

He raises a finger, "Shh, shhhh. Please. Have some decency. I need a moment."

"Dude-"

"Shhh!"

God. People these days.

"Who even are you? And why are you calling me a criminal?" She throws her hands up.

Tommy sighs, pinching his nose in ire. He glares at her, hand releasing his nose to reach behind and into his back pocket.

"On any other day, I'm just a charismatic and handsome young man," He shrugs. "But today," He pauses, pulling out his gun.

"Today, I am Glock Wielder Extraordinaire."

He shoots her right in the side, watching in satisfaction as she crumples to the floor.

"Another day, another evil defeated," He sighs.

A plopping sound sends his eyes to the vending machine. He frowns.

He walks closer, kneeling down to the little shoot flap bit. Inside, sits an untouched Snickers bar.

Huh.

She did have money.

Tommy stands back up. He looks down at the figure writhing on the floor and shrugs.

It was deserved.

Probably.

"Sorry for shooting you," He mumbles, "Kinda. I'm kinda sorry for shooting you. No hard feelings right?"

She glares up at him.

Yeah, no hard feelings.

_____

There are many feelings. And all of them are hard. So many hard feelings.

Tommy is being chased by the cops.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. More shit. Loads of shit. So much shit.

No, literally. There is so much shit.

He's hiding in the dumpsters.

" Clementine, you need to help your father," He hisses.

She blows a bubble.

"No, it doesn't matter that you told me this was a bad idea. Forgive and forget. Forgive and help me," He glares.

She stares.

Tommy huffs, " Clementine, If I die, just know I haven't put anything in your will and-"

"Tommy? Is that you Thomas?"

Oh fuck.

Tommy represses a deep sigh, momentarily closing his eyes.

"Thomas, that you?"

Tommy opens his eyes. "Yes, It's me Big Q."

Quackity pops out from behind a dumpster, grinning. "Thomas, my man, my guy. How you been?"

"Good. Great. Yeah, I'm great, big man. Better than ever in fact," He grunts, standing up from his crouched position. "Actually, y'know what? This place is a bit crowded. I'll leave you to it-"