Tommyinnits Unbeatable Method Of Avoiding Sudden Death

Crazy Night Out With Technoblade

"I recognize your voice, you- you- hah- " The man laughs, "You sang that Bruno Mars song, oh my god, that was so-"

Tommy sighs.

He raises his gun again and shoots the guy right in the stomach.

No one. No one is allowed to mention that.

"Tommy, what the hell are you doin'?" Technoblade rounds the corner, pausing as he stares between the guy writhing in pain on the ground and Tommy who stares, unseeing, into the distance.

"I did what I had to do."

_____

"The guy was tryin' to get money out of his own account. You technically just commited unprovoked physical assault," Technoblade explains as he checks the man's wallet.

"I was provoked," Tommy says simply.

Technoblade glances over at him, raising an eyebrow.

"He mentioned unspeakable things," He tells him before adding, "Can we steal his wallet?"

Technoblade contemplates it, looking between the man and the wallet in his hand before sighing. "Nah, gotta be a hero or somethin'."

Tommy rolls his eyes.

_____

"Technoblade, I want to see Real Crime," Tommy announces as they sit on the edge of a building.

"Eh, I'd rather not. That's effort."

" Real Crime . This is boring. We need adventure. "

"No, I like this actually. I'd prefer not to do any work."

"C'mon Blade, we can't just sit here all night."

"Actually, we can."

"That's boring. Not poggers. You're so not poggers right now. I'm going to speak some crime into existence."

"Please don't."

"Crime."

_____

Tommy may or may not have cursed them with the epicness of Real Crime .

He huffs, dodging the swing of an axe towards his head.

This woman has whole weapon for a hand. That's so cool.

She swings again and he yelps, bending backwards to keep his neck intact.

If only she wasn't trying to kill him.

"I-" He pants, "I feel like if you just stopped for a fucking minute, you'd see I'm actually quite handsome and charismatic and you'd reconsider killing me."

The woman scowls, "Stop talking kid."

Rude.

"Tommy, can you try stayin' alive, thanks," Technoblade grunts from a distance as he battles like, several criminals at once.

"Oh sorry Technoblade, sorry for the inconvenience of my possible death," He rolls his eyes as he ducks another hit. Honestly...

"Kid, shut the fuck up. Can't you just cry or some shit?" The woman glares.

"I haven't cried in years. I am incapable of tears. I forgot what crying even feel- Clementine, shut up," Tommy scowls at his daughter before clearing his throat, "Anyways, yeah, can't cry. I'm a big man. Also, I can't take you seriously when you have a fucking axe for a hand."

The criminal lunges for him and his trainers spasm as they try to lift him off of the ground. Tommy falls to the pavement with a wince.

The woman hovers above him, hand raised.