Letters - A Ben x CryBaby Poetry Book

2 - Love At 1st Sight

What is love? It's a question that people want to know about, they want to know whether what they have is love or not. They want the easy way out, because love was never supposed to be so easy. Love is a complex thing, it pushes people past boundaries, it leaves people crying, wanting, smiling, floating. But as I said, love was never supposed to be so easy. This world itself was never supposed to be that way, which I know now. I thought it gets better when you get older, but that's not it, neither is it that way with love. Love takes practice but it also takes responsibilities and passion and care. Without that, love's not possible. But as I said, love is a complex thing. It's not predictable. It's crazy and can be problematic but it's not something you can ignore, it pulls you in like a suffocating kiss. Love is inevitable. That being said, sometimes people go their entire lives without loving a person, but are they really as stone-cold as people think? They probably haven't found their one and only true love. It's not a necessity, people can be perfectly okay without it. Love is temporary like our bodies, it's not necessary. Then why is it so good?

Love can be the oxygen that keeps a person breathing in some cases, without it, the person has no host. It's like a virus, it's infectious, it needs a host to survive. Without the other person, love isn't safe. What's so great about love though? They say it's good, but isn't love basic and material things? They say love can't be one sided too, but what if I love her? It's not going to buy someone's love with chocolates or roses, you won't need those things for it to be real. If that's really the way it worked, I wouldn't want to be in love. They say in love you only need each other, but what if two ruined love? What if I was completely okay watching on the bleachers, but I was pushed to confess these emotions, and it ruined anything that could have ever been, or ruined a chance to even think about that girl again? What if she never would have cared about a relationship whether or not it was a ruined confession? But as I said, it's not predictable.

Love is beautiful but it can still be as easily so toxic. The pain in love could easily be a way to escape, but the twisted emotional abuse could pull you back in, breaking you piece by piece til you can't survive the breakage anymore and you slowly see that you're losing yourself. It could even guide you to be suicidal, but the pain feels like such a heaven that you see no wrong in those thoughts. Love is inevitable. I know she's not like that but I can't help thinking about the possibilities. Is it ever really love, or is it lust? Lust is nothing but a temporary attraction, like love can be, but lust isn't love. It's as complex, it's aesthetic, or it could feel romantic when it's really a platonic thing, it could have your ability to think twisted for a week, but then you would be over that relationship. That's not love. That's what's so weird about love and lust, it could still be classed as love because it wasn't recognised as lust at the time. Is love even a thing at all, or is it to separate relationships from other relationships? Is it really as special as people say it is, can it really be so beautiful?

To say I think of these thoughts often is not enough. These thoughts could be hours of thinking, and yet I still wouldn't know whether it was possible to feel like this about her without her feeling that way too. Is it really love? She's beautiful, I can't stop thinking about her, yet I feel so out of place because I could never know whether it's truly worth caring about til CryBaby reciprocates the thoughts. I guess I'll be waiting for that second that I know whether she loves back, that reassurance is what I need. Could it really be possible to love when you haven't even spoken to her though? Will she ever see me in that way, will I ever belong with her?