Beauty Of Our Chaos

2

Nox

TW MENTION OF DRUGS AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE!!

Taking a deep breath before swallowing the pills. The taste still lingering in my mouth. I rinse my mouth out to get rid of the taste. Walking over to my bed trying to go back to sleep. Another sleepless night, I chuckle to my self.

Laying in bed, the feeling of resentment starts to flow through my mind.Hating my dad , my mom for what they did to me. Leaving me alone all my life , taking pills instead of taking care of me. Forcing me to pretend everything is okay in front of people. I hate them , I hate them for what they did to me. I hate them because I am how I am because of them.

Anger takes over my mind.

I hate them so much , that I want to hurt anyone who hurts others. I hate how they still have an impact on my life even though they are dead.

But theres only 2 things I am happy about in life.

Lilith and my parents being dead.

Lilith was there through it all even since I was kid. She knew everything because I told her everything. The memories flooding my mind of the first time I cried in her arms , the time she sneaked me food and meet me at the park. The time she held my hand at my parents funeral, the time she forced me to cry all my feelings out in middle school.

The time she kissed me on the lips. One of my favorite memories , probably my number one.

Im so grateful for Lilith , she's my everything I would do anything to keep her. I won't lose my girl no matter what.

Glancing at the clock 2am.

Picking up my phone, I call Lilith. Lilith never declines my calls because "she never wants an opportunity to talk to me". But I know its because she thinks at any moment I will loose it.

"Hey" Lilith soft angelic voice speaks. Calmness fills my body. She makes everything better just her sight her voice fixes everything.

"Hi, I cant sleep" I breathe out. I rarely call her about my insomnia but its been going on for a week.

Hearing rustling in the background before she speaks "I just finished reading a new book" She says fully awake.

A smile forms on my face ever since middle school Lilith loved to talk about her books. She can go on for years talking about them and I will listen to her for years.

"Tell me about it" I say. I never told Lilith about this but I always loved her books and sometimes I would buy the book to read it for my self so when she talks about them I will understand.

"He was always nervous when he talked to her but she never understood why. Until one day he spilled coffee on her , he feels so sorry but she dismissed it and says its okay. But it was on his mind the whole night so the next day he goes out and buys her the same shirt. He waits all morning at her favorite park until she came to give her the shirt. Then when he gives it to her she buys him a new coffee. And they're love blooms, now he buys her a new shirt every week and she buys him a new coffee the next day after he give her the shirt." Lilith goes on about the book.

A smile forms on my face and it stays there until she finishes. I love to hear her talk especially about things she's so passionate about.I can see the smile on her face as she talks about how she wants this kind of love one day. I just hope that she wants it with me.

"Aww I loved this book so much , I think I am going to read Darkest mind next" She says ending her ramble.

"The book sounds amazing and you should I watched the movie" I say replying back. I know Lilith would have a love hate relationship with the book because the characters don't end up together. And she loves happy endings.

A yawn comes from the phone. She's sleepy "Go to sleep love" I say.

"No Im okay" she replays with a tried voice.

"No you are not , go to sleep my love" I don't want her to loose sleep.

"Lets sleep on the phone than"She says.

"Okay" I say agreeing.

Deciding to FaceTime we talk for sometime until I hear her light breaths . Sleep takes over and my eyes close 20 minutes after her.

NEXT DAY

Turing away from the sun harsh light , to meet the sound of my alarm.Sitting up , I grab my phone. Looking at the screen, I see Lilith sleeping. Her scarf showing under her bonnet.

Smiling at the sight of her , I end the call.

I get ready for school and start driving to Lilith house to pick her up. Pulling in front of her house I see her standing there putting on chapstick. Honking to get her attention , I unlock the car door.

She walks up to the car, getting in she greets me with a warm smile.

"Good Morning my beautiful boy" Lilith says cheerful

"Good Morning Lilith" I respond with a grin on my face.

After we make a stop to get breakfast from her favorite bakery, we start heading to school.Lilith connects her phone to the aux and turns up the car volume.

She starts nodding her , my attention on her the whole time.

"I LOVE YOU,ANI'T THAT THE WROST THING YOU EVER HEARD." Lilith shouts the lyrics of the song.A smile beaming on her face. She's perfect.

She turns to me placing her hand on my arm before shouting out the lyrics."ITS A CREUL SUMMER".

The song ends and she calms down before the next song plays. Before she starts to shout.

"ALL MY TEARS HAVE BEEN USED UP ON ANOTHER LOVE, ANOTHER LOVE." She shouts while grabbing my arm and shaking it. She's one of the reason why I drive with one arm, I cant get us into an accident.

Her show goes on her 10 minutes before we get to school.

Walking through the hallway, I could feel they're stares. But I know Lilith feels it more. Her grip on my hand tightens as we walk to her locker.

Watching her place her books in her locker and taking out the books she needs. She looks sad, I don't ask I never ask because I know why.

"4 more days" I say placing my hand on her chin making her look at me.

She gives me a fake smile and closes her locker. She grabs my hand and we start walking to class.

Playing with the coil in Lilith hair admiring the piece of hair. Everything at her is perfect even her coils not a single out of place.My hand drops and I place them on her thigh. Slowly rubbing my hand up and down.Her thighs so thick , I want be in between them feeling the warmth flow through her thighs.

"Pay attention Nox" Lilith says her voice pulling me out my trance.

"I don't know why you even pay attention your passing this class with a high 90".I replay to her.

"Doesn't matter have to keep that grade up and if you miss work it goes down". She replays to me.She buries her self in books sexual and non-sexual.She doesn't have any friends because of me , they think she's like me. But she's not she's the opposite , caring , kind , tender, loving. All the things Im not.

I know it kills her having people look at her but she still stays with me. And Im too selfish to let her go.

"Well you keep your grades up miss Yale and I will wait until I take over my dads company". I replay to her. A look defeat takes over her face.

"You don't have to take over , you can do something else" She says trying to bring hope to my life. I chuckle , I haven't told Lilith everything about me taking over. Its our last year of high school and Lilith has her life set. I do too she just doesn't know it. Thats why she's pushing me into things to know what I want before the school year ends.

"Im okay beauty don't worry" I say to her.She nods her head but I know she's going to bring it up again. I kiss her head to conceal her she doesn't need to worry about me.

HEY GUYS I HOPED YOU LIKE THIS STORY , COMMENT AND TELL ME MORE AND GIVE FEEDBACK. LOTS OF LOVE THANK YOU.ALSO THIS BOOK IS A MEDUIM BURN.HAVE A BLESS DAY.