Other Worlds - The Wilds

Chapter 41

  "Yes yes I know. It is very funny I wasn't then but I am now. Ha ha," she chimed in sarcastically.

  Truth was, she wasn't. Having sex with Shelby, that is. Martha just assumed and Toni didn't correct her.

  They barely saw each other. And they did make out and mess around, Toni just... wasn't ready. Shelby was though. Which was pretty embarrassing but she never made Toni feel bad for it.

  "You don't need to rush. I can wait. Hell, my first plan was to wait for marriage, so I can be patient" She had said the first time Toni asked to stop before things went too far. "I know you have things to work through I'm never going to push you."

  Toni had never told Shelby what had actually happened to her in the previous foster homes. Toni knew that Shelby knew but she didn't think it was ever something she was going to say out load. It was good that Shelby knew though, because it meant they didn't need to have some deep conversation about why Toni was so reluctant to have sex. Though, there were times where Toni wished she could unload, but never on Shelby.

  Maybe she would bring it up with the therapist that Bernice forced her to see (reason one hundred why Shelby and Toni barely had any time for each other anymore); but probably not.

  "So... I take it Shelby is coming over today," Martha questioned, a hint of mirth in her tone.

  Toni checked the time again. "Why do you say it like that?"

  "Because I'm pretty sure if there wasn't a seatbelt holding you into that seat you would take off running with the way you're bouncing your legs." Martha's expression changed at Toni's lack of response. "Are you okay?"

  Toni's lips formed a thin line, thinking for a minute before replying. "Well... She has forgotten twice now. I'm starting to think that... I don't know, that she is bored of me or something. She comes over for 2 hours once a week, we hang out and then she goes. It just almost doesn't feel worth it anymore."

  "You don't mean that."

  "No," she conceded, Shelby would always be worth it to her.

"It feels like she doesn't think it's worth it anymore. She has a whole life outside of me now. We are completely in the background of  each other's lives. She used to be all I thought about. Now I think about college, whether my two favourite to characters are gonna get together on my favourite show, when I can hang out with you and the girls, how many hours I need to practice in order to make captain." Toni sighed sadly, "Shelby is kind of... near the bottom of that list most days. But, then I get a day like today, and I literally can't focus on anything else. It's confusing because she is the highlight of my week but I just want more."

  Martha look a sharp left turn, Toni could have sworn that the right wheels lifted off of the ground. Some things never change. But hopefully Martha's driving would one day because it truly was terrifying.

  "You just have different priorities. And you did think about things other than Shelby before."

  "Yeah, but bad things. Things I needed to think about because if I didn't I'd be blindsided."

  "True, but good things can be just as important to think about as bad things."

  Toni's eyebrows scrunched together. "You're losing me here Marty."

  Martha sighed shortly. "Basically, bad things should not be the only things that stop you from thinking about Shelby. Like, sometimes Marcus will be going on about lacrosse and I would much rather be watching tv, or reading a book. But if I was being abused by my mother and didn't have time to read or watch tv, I would probably give anything to hear Marcus ramble on about 'face-offs' and 'clamping'." Martha flapped her hands about to indicate her total lack of interest in the sports terms that were coming out of her mouth. Toni prayed for her life when the car veered left at the lack of hands on the wheel. She really needed to get her driver's license because this was a hazard.