Deep Thoughts

Roses

You know, i always wanted someone to hear me as often as possible, like a therapist. I always searched for friends that can understand me, that could maybe understand why i talk to them and anyone else.
I think most of my former relations were based on this eternal and endless searching, like i couldn't be friend with someone that is not my "therapist".
Bro, il really think this is problematic, like, i can't just make normal friends for once??
I'd really like to have a better mental health too, (even if i wouldn't be so cool, sure) but, god, illness sucks so much, it's maybe one of the reasons my friends aren't like "all the others".
I really like my friends, you know, it's not the problem, but how can i let them in peace with my problems if i can't fix them all by myself? What the fuck am i supposed to do? See a REAL therapist? Yeah, i already tried, thank you, but they are all assholes that just want your money and say "huh-huh, i understand, but isn't it your fault too?", so yeah, how is that supposed to help me if you make me embarrassed about what i did to face off my problems at the moment they came, is that supposed to make me think about it again and again, losing sleep because of it?
Well, i tried, the only therapist that really helps me is seeing my all 3 months,so it won't help me that much, you understand?
I tried to cure my depression so hard you know, but pain is so precious when suffering is the only way to make go out your emotions, you won't let it go, it's now in your habits to suffer, you can't change that so quickly. So yeah i had an addiction and you know what, i am sober since almost 11 months now ! I am so fucking happy i didn't failed my "recovery". I really hope i won't relapse, i really hope so.
I really like to talk to you, you know?
I could do this for hours and hours...
But now it's time to sleep, don't you think?

Good night, my dear, good night.