Love everlasting - Avengers fanfic

I miss her

"Hey" Steve calls out.

You turn around. "Hey" you say softly, turning your attention back to the lake.

"What's wrong tell me" Steve sighs, sitting down beside you.

"I just miss her Steve.. everywhere I turn I see her.." you admit, looking down at the ground. "She was the first person who truly understood, and not because she pretended too, but she and I were so similar, and yet so very different. She did it for me and Clint, to give us a chance like we gave-"

"Don't.." Steve stops you. "Don't put this on you, she made her choice, we're gonna have to find a way to live with that" Steve breathes.

"What if I can't.. I couldn't stop last time and it nearly killed me, who says I can stop now" you sigh deeply.

"You gotta give yourself a break y/n, you deserve that, it's time to stop" he smiles weakly.

"I know" you smile back.

Steve gets up looking down at you, waiting for you to follow him back inside to the others.

"Go ahead.. I just want be alone right now" you say quietly.

Steve nods his head, as he walks away. You look up at the sky. If you knew all of this back when you said yes to help Howard, would you do it again... would it be worth all the pain, all the hurt you out yourself through. You got some of the best friendships you could ever imagine. You got to fall in love, and out of it. You lost, so much both of yourself and of the people around you. And even now you still felt so unbelievably lost. Because there was something missing..

"Darling.."

"I'll be right in" you say quietly.

"No need, I just wanted to ask if I could accompany you?" Loki says softly.

You nod your head slowly, as you let your head rest against his shoulder. Simply existing in each others company. Lokis hand gently wraps around your back. He notices you shivering, conjuring a blanket around you.

"You don't seem happy" he states out of the blue.

"I am.. I should be happy. It's just-"

"You're not"

You look up at him, moving closer against him. "You make me happy" you say quietly, almost like a whisper. "There's just always something" you sigh deeply.

"I know" Loki sighs. "You miss her.. Natasha"

You nod your head. "So much" you exhale sharply.

"We could go home.. Start over"

"Yeah.. I'd like that" you chuckle.

"You would?" Loki asks almost surprised.

"Of course I would" you say confidently, holding onto his hand. "I've dreamt of this moment for five years, being with you again.. but-" you trail off. Loki clenches your hand softly. "Somehow I just need to know that everyone else is happy before I can"

"I understand" loki says. "Why don't we get you to bed?" He smiles, before kissing your cheek.

You nod your head, as you follow him back inside, saying Goodnight to everybody, before cuddling up in the bed with Loki.

As you wake up the next morning, Loki isn't by your side anymore, you hear muffled voices coming from downstairs. You quickly swallow your medications, slowly wandering downstairs.

"We need to return the stones.. we've already waited long enough"

"Then who goes?"

"I do!"

"And why is that exactly?"

"Because I know my way around most of the places-"

"So do I Cap"

"Oh come on Tony."

You step down the stair case. "What's going on?" You questions, everyone turns their heads looking at you, then back at Steve who stands in the doorway, with a suitcase. "Where are you going?"

"Im gonna return the stones, you're home and safe-"

"I want to go" you interrupt him.

"Y/n you can't go, you had surgery three days ago-" Tony tries to stop you.

"And it worked right?" You hiss.

"Yes but-"

"Then why can't I go?" You ask, crossing your arms.

"You hand hasn't healed yet, you don't need to do everything" Steve says calmly.

"I want to go" you say again.

"Why is this so important to you?" Tony questions, as he stands up, furrowing his brow.

"It just is"

"Bullshit" he scoffs.

"Because I have to try something" you say instead.

"No.. you can't change anything, it won't change the future..." Bruce adds, looking at you worriedly.

"I'm not planning on changing anything.. I just have a theory" you assure him, taking a step closer towards them. "I have been living in a bed for almost two months please" you say softly.

"Then do enlighten us on this theory" Tony hisses, he's pissed.

"I can't.. okay?" You stammer.

You look around at everyone, they look at you like you've gone completely mental, yelling at one another trying to get you to back out of this mission.

"Loki?" You say softly. He looks down at the ground. "Please"

"If she wants to go she should.." he says.

You smile satisfied as you turn to look at Steve. "Can I come?" You ask him.

"If you're sure you're-"

"I'm sure" you say determined.

"When had changing your mind ever been an option anyway" Tony sighs deeply.

You smile excitedly.

"I count on you to keep her safe.. if you don't it'll be worse for yourself" Loki growls.

"I will" Steve promises.