Strings of Sin

Chapter 7

Stardom really didn't want to get mixed up in this, while December was only more interested now in the deep, complex storyline of this sandwing's life. The icewing started forcing himself away from Stardom, and this only encouraged the nightwing to pull harder, easily outmatching the other dragon's strength. Once they were out of the room, Stardom rapidly whispered to December. "We need to get away from them. They are a lost cause, trust me, you'll only end up hurting yourself if you get mixed up in their stuff. Please, don't be stubborn, I know you, just accept that you can't help this time."

"Stardom, you don't know that, you always act like you know everything, and you've got problems too... everyone's got problems," he started to feel a little overwhelmed as he realized just how much he was taking on. There was Stardom's problems, Queen Thorn's mission for them and now Generosity's problems, it was just too much. He couldn't speak anymore, he was breaking character, he froze... all he could do was stare into Stardom's eyes, terrified and trapped in constant worry.

And at that moment, a blur came out of the room rapidly, ready to tear something to pieces, be it flesh, walls or carpet; what a wonderful new option it was, real violence, finally, guess what? The insane dragon crashed down on Stardom, murder on their mind, surprising both sane dragons with their clear intentions of brutality toward the innocent. They dug their claws into the nightwing dragonet with a pleased smile, glad to release all those worries by destroying those new problems.

Stardom certainly knew that this would happen, always keen on his surroundings, seeing the scratch marks, the wounds, the darkness under their eyes, Generosity had surely been consumed by his greatest worries and resorted to torture and self-harm to cope with it. All the nightwing could do now was receive the pain of a broken dragon with broken dreams and a broken mind, so broken it all was, as broken as the scales on his back now and his own perception of reality. But he was not going to take it anymore because he had already decided earlier that he had received enough. He pushed up with his hind legs and lifted the back of his body up, sending the insane flying to the ground.

December could only summon the courage to keep her eyes open, more frozen in place than ever now. He couldn't bear witnessing the violence, it was too much for her, but something else was beginning to surface inside of her as she began to view the blood dancing around the halls, launching from the two dragon's bodies. Was she starting to like this? Was she attracted to this? He's kind of sexy. No, this is real life, not a book, not a fantasy, don't think that way...

Stardom didn't want to kill again, he couldn't kill again, please, don't kill again, remember who you are. He took his claws away and backed away, envisioning something in place of the downed dragon, perhaps now a dying mother. "Don't do something you'll regret." She attempted to remind him, almost like his thoughts became a real dragon; what was happening?

And he closed his eyes.

***

"I don't know what's going on anymore. Is she really there? Am I the one who killed her all along? Why is my mind always making me see a different story? Why is it always trying to make me feel horrible for something I never did, something I was never responsible for? Why am I like this? Who even am I? Why am I scaring myself? I'm hurting someone again even though violence is never meant to be the answer! I'm horrible! I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself! I always ruin everything! That's why nobody ever listens to me! That's why he won't listen to me! That's why I won't even listen to myself anymore! I want to cry. I want my mom... please, help, somebody, I need somebody... nobody was ever there for me... I've been so alone with nobody to tell me what to do... I don't have my dad, but he was never there anyway. Why am I even here anymore? Maybe, maybe... I could just... I could just... kill one last time... I can't trust myself to not kill again... so I'll just..."

"I'll kill myself."

***

And he opened his eyes.

The sandwing in front of him was bleeding all over, passed out, possibly dead. Stardom could now feel the tears streaming down his face; he was finally back in reality, out of his head. He didn't want to die, he didn't; why did his mind think that then? It was all in his head, and he was alright because he wasn't dead, everything was fine. He turned to look at his friend and enlarged his eyes as he saw the most peculiar expression on the icewing's face.

December was blushing really hard, his eyes half-closed, his tongue slowly snaking its way out his maw, a hungry smirk covering his snout. He was clearly caught in a daze, but Stardom couldn't identify why he was looking at him that way, especially after such a violent fray. He cleared his throat and spoke to the distant icewing. "Um, December? Are you okay?"

The icewing snapped out of his fantasies and only began to blush harder as he slurped his tongue back in and made his eyes out to be a reasonable size. "Yes, the real question is are you okay? I'm sorry I couldn't help; I was just too scared and overwhelmed and then..." He looked away; he couldn't believe himself. Why was he like this?

"Don't worry, it's okay, I'm okay, let's just go back to Queen Thorn. Something tells me we shouldn't dig any deeper, we might just end up hurting ourselves more. This isn't something worth getting involved in, trust me. I can feel your disappointment, and I know it sucks, but..." Stardom didn't even know what he was doing anymore. He was hiding from his own problems and lying, expecting December to dig deeper and give him that attention he so much desired. Why was he like this?

The two just went silent and began trailing back to the dining area, completely devastated, traumatized and hopeless, and they both began to question why situations always took the inferior path for the two of them, almost like something was pulling, directing and inventing their lives to be a miserable tragedy.

Stardom and December made it back to the dining hall, but something was different, Stardom could always sense that difference, he felt like there was something inside of him directing him at certain times, a compass; it always was taking him into the unexpected and the weird. But this time, it was only logical that he and his friend would return here, and they noticed that Thorn was missing and so were the subjects. One would think that lunch was over, but another would suspect that a responsible queen would probably go out and explore the truth herself.

Stardom didn't care about what was going on anymore, he just wanted to sleep forever. Not forever, just temporarily. Where's the bed? How could he hide away from everything for a while? That was the only way he could escape, the only option other than death. Why wouldn't it leave his mind? Find the bed.

For some reason, he felt very tired. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now; he didn't even inform December of where he was going and what his intent going there was, he just left with an aloof expression. He didn't want to think too hard, he didn't want to hurt anymore or hurt others. He just needed to be alone.

He was in his bed now, and he could barely remember the steps it took to get there. He was so sad. He wanted to cry, but for some reason, he just couldn't. Why was he so sad? Why wasn't he in control?

His eyes were closed now. He barely felt anything. He felt like nothing. He felt sad.

He couldn't move. He didn't want anything to do with the world anymore.

All he could do was think.

***

"I can't move. I can't do anything anymore. I just feel sad. Why won't it go away? What's wrong with me? I hate this. I really really hate this! I want it to go away! I want the pain to go away! This feels worthless. Why am I even trying anymore?"

"Do I really think I'm anybody? Do I really think I'm smart? Am I really above anyone? Do I really know better? I don't even know what's best for me, so maybe I was wrong to tell December to stop helping that one dragon. I'm a failure. I can't do anything right. What's wrong with me? Why am I this way?"

"I Don't Want To Hurt Others... I... I Don't Want To Hurt... Myself. Maybe... Maybe It's Better If I... I... Just Never See Anyone Again. Maybe... Maybe This World Is Better Off Without... Me. Maybe I Should Never... Have Been... Born."

"Why Am I Still Alive?"​​​​​​​