Other Worlds - The Wilds

Chapter 39

  "Same sex attraction," Shelby clarified with a wince. "I guess some of the language stuck. Sorry."

  "Don't be sorry. Please. You just got back. Things will take as long as they take to go back to normal." She knew the feeling from experience. "It does sound like a medical condition though."

  "I know," Shelby sighed. "Like you said, some things are gonna take some time."

  "Do you want to talk about it?"

  "I don't think I'll ever want to talk about it." Shelby looked apologetic and Toni's heart broke for her. "It was just so much harder than I thought it would be to stay present, to stay myself. And, to be honest, I'm just I'm really fucking tired."

  Toni wished she had the perfect thing to say when Shelby's voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears. But she didn't. Instead, she gentry pried the basketball our of the crying girl's hands and pressed their foreheads together, "I'm sorry. Shelby. I really am." She was sorry for so many things and the words just couldn't carry the gravity of what she was trying to convey. She kissed her forehead softly and swiped her thumb under Shelby's eyes to wipe away the tears.

  "I'm just really tired." Shelby choked out before breaking down in Toni's arms.

  "I know, I know, I'm so sorry. I know," Toni murmured as they sunk to the ground, Shelby curled up so small in her lap.

  This was what they had reduced Shelby to. She had left so strong and bright but here she was, almost in the foetal position, her body racking with sobs, being held as tightly as possible by the only person that had actually given a shit about her in 2 months.

  It was fucking devastating.

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  Toni decided not to tell Shelby about her last confrontation with Carol and what she had found out about her past. Shelby didn't pry either. Toni was not going to add to Shelby's exhaustion unprompted. There was time to go over everything. They had so much time.

  They were sitting across from each other, bouncing the ball back and forth.

  "Do you know..." Toni started as Shelby ran off to get the ball that she had gone bouncing away from where Shelby was supposed to catch it. "Actually, never mind," She shook her head, changing her mind.

  "That is so annoying." Shelby scolded as she ran back with the ball. "Why wouldn't you even verbalise it if you weren't going to tell me? Now I'm just left with blue balls."

  If Toni had been drinking something she would have choked. "Sorry, what?" She croaked out through a snort.

  "Oh for Christ's sake! What have I said now?" Shelby crossed her arms over her chest and pouted like a disgruntled child.

  Toni snickered. "Where the hell did you learn that phrase?"

  "Well, Andrew used to say it when-"

  "Don't even finish that sentence. Got it. Loud and clear." A little bit of jealously slipped into her tone. Totally needlessly, she remembered. Shelby was with her now. "Yeah, love, you are not using that phrase right at all. You can probably just... shelve that one. Don't think that will be something you'll need."

  "You're not going to tell me what it means?"

  "I think you might be embarrassed if you knew what you actually just said." Toni replied, revelling in the hilarity of the misinterpretation but trying to protect Shelby's pride a little bit.

"At least tell me why I'll never need to use it?"

  Toni thought about it and decided not to torture her girlfriend any longer. "Because you aren't dating someone with balls and you don't own a pair yourself."