Slipping Through My Fingers | Xicheng

Chapter 17

A/N: I think that we are slowly nearing the end.

***

Nie Huaisang came back to the Unclean Realm the next day. He never truly showed it, but he was sad to let A-Shan go. His family's quarters became totally quiet once again. It made him feel depressed.

Long, sleepless nights were his norm. He didn’t know what to do with his life from now on. Well, he didn’t know what to do with a big part of it. He thought as strong arms wrapped around him and a tender kiss was placed on his neck.

"What's on your mind?" Are you sad to let A-Shan go? No, that can't be it. He has always been a vagabond. Is it because they won't be living here after the wedding? "

Nie Huaisang smiled, feeling comfortable in the man's embrace. "I knew it's going to be like this for a long time, but it doesn't mean I have to like it."

“You know,” he whispered, planting another kiss on Nie Huaisang’s neck. “I think you should adopt another baby.”

Nie Huaisang laughed. “I won’t adopt a child just because mine has already grown-up and moved out.”

“I know, and that’s not what I meant, well… at least that’s not all. I just think that you are an amazing father and someone would be happy to have you as a parental figure. You are kind and full of love to give. Besides, you are still relatively young. There are no obstacles.”

Huaisang turned around and looked at his lover.

“And you, would you like to be a second dad to that hypothetical child?” He asked with a glimmer in his eyes.

The man went still. He looked at his Sect Leader with an expression full of confusion. "What are you even saying, A-Sang? You know that I wouldn't dare to have such thoughts about us. I am aware of my place in the Sect and in your life."

Huaisang's heart squeezed painfully. The man's lack of self-confidence and self-worth, his feelings of inferiority and anxiety reminded him so much of Jiang Cheng.

"Listen to me, Luo Shi… I love you."

A-Shi looked at Nie Huaisang with a surprise written all over his face and eyes wide open. It's the first time he said those words.

"I." He seemed lost for words, so A-Sang put a finger over his lips.

"Shhh, let me finish. I love you, and I will do everything in my power to help you accept that fact. You mean the world to me A-Shi, and if you agree, I would like to properly court you, and after some time... marry you."

Luo Shi gaze rested on the floor again. He took a few steps away from Nie Huaisang, slightly shaking his head.

"No, it's not proper, I am just a lowly servant of the Nie Sect. How could a Sect Leader, a Chief Cultivator think of marrying someone like me? It's not right. I am content with just being by your side. Being able to call you by your name in private is enough for me."

Huaisang's heart broke at that moment, he felt like crying. He wanted to take the man into his arms and hug the life out of him, reassuring him of his love, but he knew that the man would only fight back harder to decline his feelings.

That is why he never confessed during those ten years of knowing him. The word 'love' always hung between them, silent and unspoken. Both of them tried to show it through gestures, mostly small ones, that were nothing to the eye of an outsider.

"Luo Shi." Nie Huaisang said with a firm voice, hating the way he described himself.

"No, please... It's late. I just wanted to quickly greet you, before going back to finish some of my chores. I wish you a good night." he turned around and quickly exited the room.

Nie Huaisang looked at the closed door, slowly chewing on his bottom lip.

'I will make you truly mine.' He thought, promising himself that this sweet and amazing man will one day become his husband, and that he will show away all the obstacles on their way to happiness. He would not be the man he is today if he gave up so easily, without fighting for what he wants.

***

“If you’re going to keep staring at me just hire a portrait painter and stare at my portrait instead. You’re annoying the hell out of me.” Jiang Cheng said grumpily, his attention diverted from the correspondence that he has been reading and responding to for the past three hours.

"Nah, that won't be necessary. I already have a couple of them."

Jiang Cheng eyed him irritated. "You are spending way too much time with Wei Wuxian. You are becoming as insufferable as he is." His tone was one of an evident scolding, although he had to admit to himself that it amused him a little bit.

"I don't see why that would be wrong."

"Ohh you know very well why that isn't good. But if you really don't, the Uncle would for sure gladly explain it to you."

Lan Xichen evidently shuddered at the thought of Lan Qiren's reprimanding voice and a stern look on his face.

"Snitches get stitches." He mumbled under his nose quietly, but it was loud enough for Jiang Cheng to hear, and let out a laugh because of it. Lan Xichen smiled.

"Don't be so content with yourself, Zewu-Jun. I am laughing at your stupidity."

The man rolled his eyes. "If you say so."

Jiang Cheng showed away the letters and documents near him and stood up abruptly. "Let's go to eat something before I lose my appetite. You upset my stomach."

They went to eat on the Family Pier. Yes, Lan Xichen has been granted the honor of being able to be there again, and he has been thrilled since. Ren Tian less so if he would be honest.

When his relationship with his father remained as strained as it was, Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen’s became somehow better. It wasn’t perfect, because that would be way too soon, but they were at least able to have decent conversations with each other.

Was it the result of all those years of marriage? Was that love really strong enough to make Jiang Cheng put the fact that he wanted to unalive himself to the back of his head? Ren Tian couldn't answer those questions, but he was sure that if A-Shan's actions led him to do something like that he would be the one in the grave and not him.